


Welcome to Hellsing!

by CountessMillarca



Category: Hellsing
Genre: Canon Related, Dark Comedy, Gen, Sexual Humor
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-05-08
Updated: 2013-11-29
Packaged: 2017-12-10 19:52:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 33,842
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/789520
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CountessMillarca/pseuds/CountessMillarca
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Have you ever wondered what would it be like working for the Hellsing Organization? Well, come and find out!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Do You Have What It Takes for This Job?

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer : I do not own Hellsing, just a clearly disturbed mind. All rights belong to Hirano, Kouta.

Integra was in her office, reviewing a number of papers with a rather complex look upon her face—which was how she usually spent most of her days. What was unusual though, was the content of these particular documents. They were CVs from people applying for the position of temporary personal assistant. Walter had hurt his back falling off a ladder last week, trying to clean god knew what again, and she was left without his precious assistance for the unbearable amount of two whole weeks. Hence, even if she was fully capable of looking after herself adequately enough, the same could not be applied for the two vampires and the legion of rotten mercenaries currently inhabiting the huge mansion. Thus, she had sent a request for a temp to one of the largest recruitment agencies in the U.K., stating the exact requirements needed and the corresponding offer provided.

**Qualifications:**

Single, gender and age is of no importance, no existing close family (at least no one that would weep and mourn over their loss in the event of their tragic and unexplained death).

Must possess endurance, a twisted sense of humor, and a death wish (the former two are optional, the latter is prerequisite).

Must be familiar with atypical concepts such as the preternatural, torture, and eternal damnation (textbook knowledge is acceptable, we will thoroughly provide the practical experience).

**Offer:**

Full medical coverage by renowned physicians (daily psychiatric care included).

Expertly trained personnel tending to your everyday needs (feasible or not).

A unique environment, where developing abnormal skills required for your self-preservation is encouraged (after spending two weeks with us, survival in any kind of environment is guaranteed).

P.S. It is strongly recommended to leave your sanity behind before contacting us.

So far, five candidates had responded—three males and two females, ranging from twenty-five to thirty-five years old—and she was now carefully examining their applications. They all appeared to have sufficient training and experience in their line of work. But that was to be expected. What she desperately needed could be better described as a wrangler rather than standard office personnel. Well, she was never going to affirm if they were suitable or not by examining some inanimate papers. A personal interview was far more appropriate in this case. Therefore, she had made the calls and was expecting the first candidate for his scheduled appointment in approximately thirty minutes from now.

Still lost in deep thought, she failed to notice a shadow forming in her office’s left wall—a tall man dressed in black and red making his uninvited appearance—until it was sadly too late.

“What a fine evening today is, won’t you agree, Master?”

His deep voice resounded off the walls of Integra’s office, startling her and causing the papers she was currently holding to disperse in all possible directions.

Lovely… just peachy! She had completely forgotten that he had a tendency to materialize exactly when she needed him the least, usually causing her a mini heart attack in the process. Integra swore that this insufferable, constant pain in the ass was someday definitely going to be the death of her.

“What the bloody hell are you doing here, vampire? I remember giving you express orders _not_ _to_ _disturb_ _me_ for any reason today.”

Much to her dismay, the question fell on deaf ears. Alucard was too busy picking up a document which had unfortunately landed on his feet, and proceeding to read the damn thing with great concentration.

“I wasn’t aware that I needed a babysitter, Integra, but thank you for giving me a new chew toy. I was becoming rather bored of the brainless morons you hired last week,” he said, referring to the French mercenary and his band of mentally challenged degenerates.

There was demented glint in his eyes and a sinister grin on his lips. Both foreboded nothing good for Integra’s frazzled nerves.

“I desperately need a drink.” Integra sighed in defeat, reaching for the bottle of cognac secretly stored in her bottom drawer.

“What an excellent suggestion, Master. It so happens that I am in need of a drink as well.” His tone was dripping with suggestion.

The dam keeping Integra’s rage contained broke with a deafening sound inside her head. She hurled the half-full glass she was about to take a sip from at him, and went for her gun, aiming deadly towards…no one! Obviously, the infuriating bastard had pulled a disappearing act again.

Before she had time to retract her weapon and calm down, the door opened, revealing two males standing straight, their eyes glued on her ridiculous pose. One of them was wearing the standard Hellsing uniform, looking not the slightest bit perturbed by the situation, identifying him as a member of the staff. The other, however, was nervously moving his wide open stare from the undoubtedly maniacal woman with the gun, to the large, still wet stain on the wall, to the shards of broken glass on the floor, identifying him as the candidate sent by the agency.

Well… He would have found out sooner rather than later, if he was to become a temporary member of this institution Integra thought dryly… Swiftly holstering her gun inside her jacket, she plastered a pleasant smile on her face, entirely at odds with the situation, and addressed the poor victim with regality.

“Welcome to Hellsing Organization, Mr. Moore. Please be seated.” Integra motioned to the empty chair opposite of her own on the other side of the desk.

He approached slowly, clearly still shaken by what he had witnessed mere moments ago, and warily took the seat she was kindly offering.

Integra took a minute to physically examine the fidgety man. He was of average height, had medium black hair, a well-shaped face, and a rather slim figure. He faintly reminded her of Walter in his younger years, from some photos she had previously seen of him. Of course, the expression of absolute confusion and slight fear the young man wore right now, was something she would have never associated with her loyal butler.

“Let's see… Mr. Robert Moore, age twenty-nine, born in London, currently searching for suitable work as a personal assistant,” she recited what she had earlier read on his file.

“That is correct, Madam,” he replied with a somewhat stronger voice than what she would have expected.

“You may address me as Sir Hellsing or simply Sir, Mr. Moore,” she informed him coldly.

His chin dipped with respect. “As you wish, Sir.”

“Good. Now, Mr. Moore, before I explain what kind of institution Hellsing is and what your job description entails, allow me to ask you a few questions. Please answer them as truthfully as possible, if you may.”

“I'm at your disposal, Sir,” he replied, finally regaining his composure.

“What are your beliefs regarding vampire legends?” Integra asked gravely.

“Well, Sir, with all due respect, I believe they are exactly what you called them—legends,” he answered truthfully, more than a little perplexed.

“Well, Mr. Moore, with all due respect, you had better make yourself believe if you wish to become a member of our staff,” Integra deadpanned.

“Is this some kind of psychological evaluation, Sir? If so, allow me to assure you that I’m perfectly capable of separating reality from fantasy."

Integra had expected this kind of reaction. After all, it wasn’t easy to believe in myths like vampires or ghouls—unless one or more of them were locked on your body, sucking the very life out of you. Time for plan B. Pressing the intercom, she said with a commanding tone: “Seras Victoria, your presence is required promptly in my office.”

“I’m sorry, Sir Integra…what?” a high-pitched feminine voice returned from the machine.

“Get your scantily clothed ass in my office now, Police Girl!” Integra exploded, restraining her sudden urge to strangle the petite female, alongside the arrogant prick who turned her. She was still mad from Alucard’s previous misdemeanor, and the little vampire was going to suffer the consequences instead of her master if she aggravated Integra even more.

Apparently, the blonde was smarter than she gave her credit for, since she appeared almost instantly with a ‘Yes Sir’ salute right in front of Integra.

At her sudden entrance, the man jumped from his chair with a jolt. Not surprising, taking into account that the vampire had moved with superhuman speed, equal to the blink of an eye.

“You see now, Mr. Moore, someone must never dismiss legends as mere products of a demented writer’s imagination, for they sometimes can bite you in the ass, rather unpleasantly, I assure you, when you least expect it,” Integra mocked the clueless human.

“I—I don’t understand what is happening, but I’m sure there is a solid logical explanation for this trickery, Sir,” he stuttered with trepidation.

“Oh, for the love of God, what more do you need to believe, you imbecile? Open your eyes wide and observe. Seras, would you mind doing the honors?”

At that, the blond policewoman peeled back her lips, exposing deadly, gleaming fangs.

“Well, Mr. Moore?”

A smug look flitted across his face. “Cosmetic surgery, Sir,” he answered without hesitation.

The man had an uncanny ability to think of anything _but_ the obvious explanation…which was starting to wear Integra out. There were four more candidates. Did she really need to convince this blockhead of the reality that surrounded him? If he wasn’t hired—which was the more plausible outcome based on his behavior—there was no need to shatter his precious illusion.

“Why would someone resort to such drastic measures as cosmetic surgery just to mess with your head, Mr. Moore? And if so, it would be more reasonable to have a breast reduction or a height augmentation surgery in her case, not prosthetic fangs.” Integra huffed, exasperated.

“Hey… I take offence to that, Sir Integra. I’m very pleased with my height,” Seras interrupted sullenly.

Integra gave her a deathly glare. “Do shut up, Draculina,” was all she said.

“Well, she could very well be one of those die-hard Twilight fans for all I care,” the human male reasoned with a petulant expression.

“Oh, for crying out loud, Mr. Moore. Does she look like one of those to you?”

“Well…” He studied the blonde vampire carefully. “She does wear glitter foundation.”

“What is that supposed to mean? Can’t a woman wear sun protection care _and_ look good at the same time?” Seras bellowed with red-hot anger flaring up, lengthening her already exposed fangs and transforming her hands into deadly claws.

At that, he paled a few shades, recognition finally hitting him hard.

“So you see, Mr. Moore, the world is vast and you should be very careful not to insult the wrong person.” Integra sneered with poisonous vice—and the terrified human made a run for the nearest exit.

“I don’t think we’ll be seeing him again any time soon,” Seras stated with a matter-of-fact tone.

“I’ll second that. At least the agency had him sign a confidentiality clause, so we don’t have to hunt him down and make his already miserable life even worse. Off to the next one,” Integra concluded tiredly.


	2. Master, You Are so Popular!

What a complete and utter fiasco the day before was, Integra thought with disgust. She had expected some drama in a degree, but the man had been infuriatingly oblivious. Time was running low though—and she was in desperate need of assistance. Just yesterday, she had drawn her gun twice, yelled without a justified reason at the kitchen staff—regarding a very suspicious white substance leaking from her dinner…which she was now certain it was the work of the damned, undead prick in the basement—and had mistakenly called the Vatican instead of her Majesty’s office, requesting permission to neuter that chauvinistic pig Maxwell…which had nearly caused a diplomatic incident. Clearly, she could not handle all affairs regarding the institution on her own. Or she was going to become insane…at least more than she was under normal circumstances. Thus, she had decided to approach the matter differently.

Firstly, she would arrange all appointments in one day. The faster this matter was resolved, the better for everyone. Secondly, one of the two nosferatu currently at her service were to be present at the time of the interview, seeing as it was the fastest and less complicated way to explain what the work entailed.

That was the reason she was now sitting at her office with two males—one clinically dead, the other very much alive at the moment—trying to make this meeting run as smoothly and painlessly as humanly possible.

Mr. Norman Peters, the human in question, was thirty years old, with short blond hair, a little on the chubby side, and a suspicious glint in his eyes that made Integra quite unnerved. That was why instead of the young, naïve Draculina, she had commanded Alucard to accompany her this time—which was an order he was immensely delighted to obey.

“Mr. Peters, tell me, what made you reply to our ad? It was rather unique, I must admit myself,” Integra asked graciously. “And please address me as Sir Hellsing or simply Sir,” she added before the stupid human made the same mistake as his predecessor.

“First of all, I must thank you for granting me the privilege of meeting a beautiful and stunning woman such as yourself, Miss Hellsing. I could never possibly address a lovely lady with such a crude honorific as Sir.” Not only was he impudent, but apparently, moronic enough to ignore the subtle growling sound that escaped form the tall figure behind her.

“ _Behave yourself, servant_.” Integra sent the mental warning to the agitated vampire, wishing that the ignorant human did the same…before he ended up like some unrecognizable Hollywood horror movie reject.

“As for the question you posed, I am quite a risk challenger, and your ad seemed intriguing enough, compared to the other mundane offers I received,” he finished with a superior grin upon his face.

 _Well, at least this one read the qualifications required, since he obviously possesses a death wish, judging from his smug attitude_ , Integra thought dryly.

“Very well, Mr. Peters. For this interview alone, I shall allow you to address me as such. But if you are indeed hired, I expect you to abide by my every order, including the correct way of addressing me,” she concluded coldly.

“I will certainly not allow it.” There was such disdain in the baritone of Alucard’s voice that Integra just knew this was going to end in bloody murder.

“You have no authority to override my decision,” Integra said venomously, glancing back and mentally adding: “ _So suck it up and shut up, you bloody excuse of a corpse_.”

“ _I thought you strictly forbade me from sucking anything today, Master,_ ” came the silky reply in her mind.

As Inetgra was about to give him a mental whipping, the arrogant human interrupted their silent exchange.

“I see you are quite firm with your subordinates, Miss Hellsing. I do tremendously admire a female that knows how to take control,” he stated with an impish gleam in his eyes, dragging his stare across her body. Blatantly.

The obnoxious human had actually dared to ‘check her out’, and the most disturbing thing of all, was what was hiding behind that masqueraded politeness as her loyal servant informed her promptly.

“ _Especially when I force her to submit to my will. I have a feeling we are going to have a superb time together, you pathetic whore. Yes, a superb time indeed_ … was the unsaid continuation of his statement by a very familiar, exotically accented voice in her head, laced with irony. Barely restrained, mocking. The bloody bastard was clearly enjoying himself, repeating such demeaning words towards her, insinuating he had thought of them as well at one time, Integra thought infuriated.

First things first, though. The human needed to be thoroughly punished for his blunt disrespect and foul fantasies regarding her. The wretched, fanged degenerate came afterwards.

“Alucard, I rescind my former command. You may do with him as you please,” Integra informed the perpetual menace behind her.

“Your will is my command,” was the last thing heard from him. The vampire gleefully revealed a lethal, serrated denture, and disappeared along with the offending male.

“I guess we, or anyone else for that matter, won’t be seeing Mr. Peters anytime soon again,” she murmured wryly with abundant satisfaction.

One hour later, the same situation occurred, although with different participants. Two blonde females had now replaced the perverse, highly offensive human scum and his vampire counterpart. Devil only knew where Alucard was and what he was doing at the moment, and Integra was for once, perfectly happy not possessing that knowledge.

This time, the candidate, strangely enough, took the initiative and introduced herself in a calm manner without being asked to.

“I am Felicia Conelly, twenty-six years old, single, with no close family as per asked. You’ll find the rest of my qualifications in my application, as well as letters of recommendation from previous employers. Pleased to make your acquaintance.”

Her complete professionalism made Integra feel ridiculously thankful to the woman for adding a note of normalcy in these interviews for the first time.

“I am Integra Fairbrook Wingates Hellsing, Bureau Director of the Hellsing Organization, and this—” Integra motioned to her left with aplomb. “—is Seras Victoria, a proficient member of our SWAT team. Likewise, it is a pleasure to make your acquaintance, Miss Conelly.”

Seras waved cheerfully. “Nice to meet you, too.”

“Miss Connely, I have to say…I’m impressed by your resume. You have a B.A. degree in Business Administration, an M.A. degree in International Business, and have previously worked for international conglomerates and renowned corporations. Furthermore, you have not even turned thirty yet. Pardon me for asking, but what exactly are you doing here? I honestly believe you’re more than overqualified for what we're looking for,” Integra asked, utterly perplexed by the composed female.

“Thank you for your flattering words, Sir Hellsing. Indeed, I may have more talents than a regular personal assistant, but after working with large, impersonal enterprises, I found that I would like to work somewhere where human relations are valued, even at a lower position. That is precisely why I am here.”

Her smile was dazzling, damn near blinded Integra, and she was seriously starting to like this woman. She had addressed her with the appropriate title even before being asked to do so. She was smart, had impeccable manners, and wanted to work with them willingly. Well, let us hope she would continue to have this opinion even after the great revelation. On the other hand, when something seemed too good to be true, it usually wasn’t. Taking another closer look at her resume, Integra noticed that there wasn’t a letter of recommendation from her most recent, previous employer, nor a reason for her resignation.

“Miss Connely, although I have a high appreciation for your achievements, there is something that has come to my attention. What happened at your last job, that you had to leave like that, without a recommendation letter and resigning for no apparent reason?”

At that, Felicia palpably winced and her body assumed a rather rigid stance. “Sir Integra, if you may allow me to call you that? This is a rather personal issue, and I would like to ask for your discretion before I delve into further details,” she replied in all seriousness.

“You have permission to address me as such and I swear on my honor, as a member of the Royal Protestant Knights, anything you say, will remain in this office,” Integra answered with a grave tone.

“I—I swear as well,” Seras stuttered, obviously confused by the sudden turn this conversation was taking.

“Very well then. I shall answer truthfully as you have been most courteous to me, and I would prefer not to have any secrets between us, if we're going to work together from now on.” Felicia nodded with sincerity. “As you already know, racism has many different factions. One of them regards sexual orientation. At my previous work, I received a lot of harsh criticism and vile comments about my preference in relationship partners. That was the main reason I chose to resign.” By the time she finished, she was visibly shaken…and not the only one.

Integra and Seras shared a look of bewilderment for a long moment, then Integra took it upon her to address the elephant in the room.

“You mean you are… No, I meant you prefer—”

“Women, girls, females…” a rumbling male voice completed Integra’s sentence before she had the chance to do it herself.

“Master!”

“Alucard!”

Seras and Integra spoke at the same time, both startled by his sudden return.

The most surprised person by his unexpected, out of thin air appearance however, was the human female. Although, to her credit, neither did she scream nor did she run. She merely leaped out of her chair and looked around frantically, searching for the trick behind this—starting from examining the wall for secret passages.

Alucard, undisturbed by all of their reactions, continued his monologue with an ecstatic face, his voice thick with satisfaction.

“Finally, the day has come! Oh…how long have I awaited this miracle to happen? Perhaps I should break Walter’s hands and legs for good measure. Integra, if you wish to see Walter healthy again, you better hire this…this lovely, exquisite young woman as a permanent member of our staff.”

Before Integra had time to react, he vanished. Just as she was coming out of the double shock—the female’s revelation and Alucard’s deep appreciation of this—his overjoyed voice echoed throughout the huge mansion.

“Gentlemen, I have some excellent news!”

“Oh for the love of God, noooo!” Integra shouted hopelessly. “Seras, find that…that depraved cretin immediately, and stop him from spreading any more rumors before it’s too late!”

“Yes Sir!” The young Draculina saluted, running out the door in a futile attempt to stop the inevitable.

“Miss Connely, I fear our collaboration will not be possible for reasons you perfectly understand, I suppose?” Integra eyed the young woman with genuine regret.

“I understand, Sir Integra. I also think it might be for the best. It was truly a pleasure knowing you. Thank you for your time, and this is my personal card. Please, call anytime for…any occasion. Goodbye,” the blond woman finished with a rather enticing expression and an expectant look upon her face before taking her leave.

“If this wasn’t weird, then I don’t know what is.” Integra shook her head and examined the card she was given, wondering if she hadn’t misinterpreted the hidden invitation. In the end, she convinced herself this was one of those things her corrupt servant must never, ever know.


	3. Why, Boss?

_Maybe I should just give up on this seemingly futile attempt and wait for Walter to be able to return to his duties_. Integra groaned, feeling exhausted.

It was not even noon yet, and already mayhem, murder, and panic had occurred. Then again, if she wanted to be completely honest with herself, she might have had a hand in the former two. The latter was an inevitable outcome, considering the surprising confession of the last candidate, which she admitted was a bit sad that she had been forced to reject. She had a feeling Felicia could have been a valuable addition to the organization. Another knock on her door drew her out of her thoughts in a most unpleasant manner. Integra had a pretty good idea of who it might be—and she did not like it one bit.

“Enter.” Curt, commanding, and screaming _do-not-fuck-with-me._

Her ugly suspicion was unfortunately confirmed. Another one of Pip’s merry band of gun-carrying lunatics made his way to her desk with a displeased look upon his face, wearing a hideous T-shirt that Integra had come to abhor after seeing it repeatedly today. Before he had a chance to even state his complain, Integra recited what she had been telling all the Wild Geese's members who had entered her office for the last two hours for the exact same reason.

“No, she will not become a temporary or permanent member of our staff. My decision is final and cannot be altered by any means. Now, leave or pay dearly the consequences for all the hardships I’ve been through this morning.” It translated into:  _Defy me in this, and I'll start a new line of accessories made by various parts of your anatomy._

The human male paused on his tracks for a minute, then in a rare display of intelligence, made a U-turn, his face a mask of extreme fear and his hands covering his groin.

Honestly, she was sick and tired of this parade of testosterone-driven nutjobs. When she had wished for the vampires and the humans under her command to form some kind of unity, she certainly hadn’t meant forming a fan club for the sexual liberation of homosexual women. They even wore matching T-shirts, although she hadn’t the faintest clue when they had found the time to make them, with this ridiculous logo printed on them: **We vote solely for Connely**  on the front and a picture of Miss Felicia Connely on the back.

That damned, constant undead pain in the ass had obviously spread the news fast. She was rubbing her temples in a vain attempt to lessen the steady pounding in her head when she felt rather than saw the aforementioned prick appear before her.

“Thank you, Alucard, for making this day memorable. Not to worry, though—I will most definitely repay you the favor in due time.” Integra grit her teeth, voice gone deadly threatening, refusing to look upon him.

Alucard radiated joy in nauseating waves. “No, Master, I should be the one thanking you for this rare opportunity. I’m most pleased with your choice of replacement for Walter.”

“Stop deluding yourself, vampire.” Integra snapped, eyes filled with disgust. “You can forget all the obscene and immoral scenarios you might have envisioned with that seriously deranged mind of yours. I have already rejected her application and she has long been gone from the compound.”

“Now, Master, why did you have to go and do that? I know for a fact that I am not the only one here deliriously excited with the prospect of her recruitment,” he teased her mockingly.

“I am painfully aware of that, servant. Excluding Seras, everyone currently inhabiting this mansion has made an appearance in my office regarding that matter,” she replied dryly, finally lifting her eyes to stare at him.

Clearly that was a mistake, since instead of the tall, insufferable, but unquestionably male she had expected to see, a blonde young woman was standing in his place, bearing an uncanny resemblance to Miss Connely.

For a moment, Integra was taken aback, wondering if she had finally succumbed to the insanity surrounding her. If she was now imagining things, that was a clear sign of the schizophrenic hidden inside of her awakening. She dismissed that thought when the human female positioned herself in an alluring pose upon her desk, bending to whisper huskily in Integra’s ear as she unbuttoned her blouse.

“Please, Sir Integra, do hire me. I’ll do  _everything_  in my ability to satisfy your demands.”

“ _Alucard_.” Integra seethed with red-hot rage.

The female visage vanished, revealing the familiar supernatural entity she had come to hate with a fervent passion, doubled on the floor and laughing hysterically before he too, faded into the shadows.

“Alright, that’s it! The next one to come through these doors is hired, all consequences be damned!”


	4. The Chosen One

It was late afternoon and the sky was already dark, adding a macabre feeling to the eerie mansion laid before the man's eyes. He was already starting to regret the decision he made when he decided to respond to that strange ad sent by his agency. Seeing as he had made it all the way here though, he might as well proceed with this interview. Above all, he was a professional, and he would certainly act as one. Failing to show up on a scheduled interview was simply unacceptable, no matter the cause. With these thoughts foremost on his mind, he knocked on the huge, intricate doors, waiting for someone to allow him entrance. Shortly, the doors parted, revealing a rather spacious, illuminated hall; however, instead of a maid or a butler as was to be expected in an old mansion like this one, a short blonde girl no more than twenty years old, wearing a rather skimpy, military uniform, greeted him cheerfully.

"Welcome to Hellsing, Sir," she exclaimed in a high-pitched voice, a little louder than he would have preferred. "You must be Mr. Roth, correct?" she then asked with enthusiasm.

"That is correct, Miss…?"

"Seras Victoria, you can call me Seras. Nice to meet you!" she proclaimed with a familiarity he was not accustomed to by a complete stranger.

"Pleased to meet you as well, Miss Seras," he replied, slightly reserved.

"Sir Integra is waiting for you, Mr. Roth. Please follow me."

She started walking towards the stairs that led to the higher floors, but as he was about to follow behind her, something flew past him, barely missing his head by a few millimeters. Turning around to identify the flying object which could have gravely injured him at that speed, he was utterly shocked to discover a hole at the wall behind him.

 _What could possibly leave a mark like that?_ he thought, suddenly alarmed.

"Damn, the aim is terribly off. There is also too much destruction concentrated around that hole. It should be evenly rounded. I will have Walter take a look at this when he finally returns. Police Girl, do you happen to know when that is?" A deep, rumbling voice resonated in the vast hall.

"That would be in around two weeks, Master, if his recovery runs smoothly without any complications. May I ask what exactly are you doing?" Seras replied, confused by her master's strange behavior.

"Isn't it obvious, Police Girl? Target practice," he answered, as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

"Umm…Master, I believe the training center would be better suited for this kind of activity. Also, would you please stop calling me that and use my real name for a change?" Seras exclaimed frustrated with a scowl upon her face.

"Nonsense, Police Girl. Moving targets are a lot more fun; plus, that way I can polish my skills and have a meal at the same time. How can you not understand this simple logic? This is exactly the reason why I still call you by that nickname. 'Police Girl' is good enough for an ignorant idiot who doesn't know the pleasures of the hunt." He grinned down at her, rather amused by the look of horror upon her face. One would think she'd have gotten used to it by now, but apparently she still held on firmly to her precious humanity. Thus, she never ceased to entertain him with her reactions.

The human male, who had been up until now curiously observing their verbal exchange, visibly paled upon hearing his last words.

 _Who are these people, what hunt and meal are they talking about, and was that a real bullet that missed me by a margin just now?_ were just few of the frantically screaming thoughts in his head.

 _"We are the hunters, you are the prey, and trust me, you pathetic human, you will wish the bullet had not missed you when you understand the true meaning of my words."_ A baritone voice appeared unexpectedly in his mind, scaring the living daylights out of him. The scariest part, however, was the fact that this low, heavily accented voice belonged to the man who had spoken a minute ago. As he slowly focused on the male, his horror reached unbelievable heights. Scarlet, glowing eyes bored into his own and a maniacal grin slowly made its appearance on the man's face, revealing razor-sharp teeth gleaming dangerously. At the same time, a throaty, raving laughter echoed throughout his mind, followed by these softly whispered, mocking words, _"Run, mortal, run!"_

No need to tell him twice. The poor man raced towards the exit as fast as his trembling legs would carry him. Opening the gigantic doors, he collided with a woman, screaming at her wildly, "Run for your life. He's going to kill us all!" leaving her dumbfounded with a quizzical look upon her face.

"Now, Master, why did you have to do that? Sir Integra is already displeased with you, and unfortunately, I will pay for this again," Seras whined at the older vampire.

"Police Girl, I'll give you a valuable lesson, so listen carefully. Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional," he declared with a superior expression on his face, still grinning madly.

"What? I don't understand what you're saying, Master," Seras said confused, wondering if he was high on something besides arrogance.

"Well, you will in due time, Draculina…oh, yes, you will," he murmured enigmatically, vanishing from her sight.

"Umm…excuse me?" a soft feminine voice came from behind her, startling the young vampire. "Hello, my name is Amelia Rogers, and I have an appointment with Sir Integra Hellsing at seven. However, I arrived a bit early," the woman explained apologetically.

"Ohh, right. Well, Miss Rogers, you are quite lucky. The previous candidate just cancelled, hence Sir Integra can receive you right away," the blond vampire replied, regaining her composure.

"If you don't mind my asking, was the previous candidate the clearly disturbed young man running outside while shouting nonsensical absurdities just now?" the human female asked with a puzzled expression.

"Well…that would be accurate," Seras responded curtly, cursing the woman's astute powers of observation, all the while trying to find a logical explanation for the male's justified reaction.

"What an odd man. I'm sure you are relieved to have discovered his obvious psychosis before making the tragic mistake of hiring him," she said sighing, shaking her head from right to left repeatedly in a disapproving manner.

"Indeed," was all the young Draculina remarked, masking the strong urge to inform the woman that the man's decision to run like his life depended on it was the sane thing to do on this occasion. "Now, if you'll please follow me, I'll escort you to Sir Integra's office without further delay," she said instead, resigned.

Outside Integra's office, the blonde policewoman paused for a moment to knock before entering. With the mood her Master's master had been in lately, no one could be too careful around her.

"Enter," came the cold reply from inside.

Treading cautiously, Seras opened the door, entering with the human female in tow. "Sir Integra, Miss Rogers is here for her appointment," she stated, tone devoid of emotion.

"Miss Rogers? I thought that Mr. Roth was scheduled before her," Integra asked, confused.

"Well, you see, there was a little problem with Mr. Roth and he will not be able to attend today." _Or any other day for that matter_ , Seras thought sarcastically.

"I see. I will expect a more detailed explanation of this at a later time," Integra announced, staring intently at the young vampire. Then she greeted the human female behind Seras with a tight-lipped smile. "Miss Rogers, it is a pleasure to make your acquaintance. Please, take a seat." 

"The pleasure is all mine, Sir Hellsing," the young woman answered in turn, taking the seat she was offered.

"Good. Now that the formalities are over and done with, I'll cut straight to the chase. You are hired," Integra declared with a deadpan voice.

"I - I am sorry. I am what?" the woman stuttered, clearly confused.

"I have thoroughly examined your qualifications and found them satisfactory enough. In other words, you'll do," Integra informed the stunned woman.

 _And it's partially the truth, not to mention she ran out of options when the candidate before this poor woman ran out of the house screaming_ , Seras thought to herself, not daring to say it out loud for fear of Integra's raging outburst.

"I - I am very flattered, Sir Hellsing. Thank you, thank you for giving me this opportunity. I'll make sure you will not regret your decision," the human female croaked, her voice hoarse with emotion.

 _I am fairly positive you will be the one to regret it once you are informed of your duties_ , Integra thought wryly. "So, Miss Rogers, allow me to explain what your job entails," she said aloud instead.

At that, the woman pulled out a notebook and a pen from her purse, focusing intently on Integra's instructions.

"My butler unfortunately had a recent accident and is strictly prohibited from returning to his duties for at least two more weeks by his attending physician. Some of his daily duties have been redistributed amongst the already existing staff. However, some of his more unique responsibilities could not be handled likewise. Those include taking care of a small group of individuals and their daily needs. You have already met one of them," she finished, motioning to the blonde policewoman.

"Hi! I'm Seras Victoria, a member of Hellsing's squad force. You can call me Seras, glad to meet you." Seras beamed at Amelia extending her hand.

"You can call me Amelia. Pleased to meat you as well, Miss Seras," the human female replied happily with a genuine smile.

"Seras will accompany you to meet the rest of the people you'll be responsible for when you have settled in," Integra announced curtly, ending their discussion.

"Of course, Sir Hellsing. Thank you again for this opportunity. I will not disappoint you. I will return promptly with my belongings," she finished and bowed, taking her leave cheerfully.

"Sir, are you sure you want to let her start, without informing her of how _unique_ her job actually is?" Seras asked the stern woman softly.

"Seras, judging from past experiences on this particular matter, I think it best if she discovers this on her own," Integra concluded dryly, lighting up one of her favored cigars, and exhaling slowly.


	5. Babysitter VS Mercenaries

Amelia Rogers was back at her old apartment, trying to fit almost all of her possessions in a really small suitcase to no avail. Sir Hellsing had been very clear on her instructions; she only needed take the absolute necessary as the rest would be provided by the organization. Thinking back upon the first meeting with her employer, her first impression of Sir Hellsing was that of a stern, authoritative woman who was used to everyone obeying her commands. Not that she minded it; after many months of fruitless search for decent employment, she was overjoyed to have finally found something, even if it was temporary. However, she couldn't shake the feeling that something was amiss. Her interview had been conducted really fast and without the usual questions asked; questions she dreaded as she possessed neither the experience nor the proper qualifications needed. She had been raised in an orphanage and the only skill she was proud to exhibit was taking care of disobedient children, which was something she had clearly written on her CV. Surely, her current employer didn't think that taking care of small, harmless children was the same as taking care of grown, trained for battle soldiers, did she? Amelia thought confused before dismissing it as a baseless premonition.

Two hours later, she was back at the gates of Hellsing Organization, holding her worn out suitcase after the inhumane effort she had put in order to fit all of what she wanted in it. Taking a long breath, she knocked and waited patiently for the blonde girl she had met earlier to answer the door. After a few seconds, the doors were opened revealing the familiar face of Seras Victoria. She still could not comprehend how a young, sweet girl like her was working as a S.W.A.T. team member. Then again, a babysitter like her had been hired as a personal assistant, so what right did she have to question her abilities.

"Welcome back, Miss Amelia," the girl exclaimed with ample enthusiasm.

"Good evening, Miss Seras," she greeted accordingly.

"I will show you to your room, and after you have settled in, I will introduce you to the rest of our staff," the blond informed her cheerfully. "Please, come this way," she said, grabbing the suitcase from the floor and walking away.

Amelia nodded and was surprised when the young girl quite effortlessly lifted her suitcase and started walking. It had taken her a lot of strength to carry it and she had definitely more muscle tissue than the miniature of a woman walking before her. Again with the assumptions…she should stop this before she said something rude aloud.

After a couple of turns, which would take a while to memorize, she was led to a small but comfy room, equipped with a bathroom, a single bed, a desk, a fridge, and a wardrobe painted in natural colors.

"If you need anything else, say the word and Sir Integra will make the arrangements," Seras said, positioning the suitcase close to the bed.

"Thank you, Miss Seras, but I believe it has everything I need. Now, If I start unpacking I'll never end, so how about we make those introductions first?"

Seras smiled warmly. "Sure thing, come this way." Leading the way, Seras made a list in her head, checking all the things she had done before the assistant's arrival to ensure a…somewhat normal introduction.

 _Master must be otherwise occupied. Check!_ He was at Sir Integra's office, receiving just punishment for his previous mischief. Sir Integra had made him take the forms of the entire summer catalogue of Calvin Klein's male underwear models and perform a private showcase. Damn, she wanted to see this as well!

 _Mr. Bernadotte must be informed that she is a clueless civilian. Check!_ She had told the perverted Frenchman about Miss Amelia's ignorance of the supernatural and had made him promise to behave accordingly. She still wept when she remembered that conversation. The incorrigible jerk had made an 'okay' sign, and as she had started to leave, he had spanked her butt playfully, saying it was his reward for being a good boy today. _Good boy, my ass!_ she thought with disgust.

 _The rest of the lecherous degenerates must be informed they will be in the presence of a lady. Check!_ At that, most of them had pouted like ten year olds, shouting loud obscenities and waving a banner with Miss Connely's face saying **Fire the Angel of Death, Hire the Angel of Sex**. She had made sure to rip the offending monstrosity to tiny, tiny pieces right in front of them, ignoring their screams of outrage.

Now, she crossed her fingers, and hoped that everything would run smoothly as she opened the door of the briefing room and led Miss Amelia inside. Pip and company were sitting in desks and chairs, looking somewhat subdued from their previous outbreak, she thought thankfully. She walked to the center, motioning for Miss Amelia to follow her, and made the introductions with a steady voice, daring with a cold stare anyone to say anything inappropriate.

"This is Miss Amelia Rogers. She will be spending the next two weeks with us, replacing Mr. Walter. Miss Amelia, this is the Wild Geese, our military squad force," she finished and stepped back to allow both parties to have a better view of each other.

"It's a pleasure to meet you all. You may call me Amelia. I'll be responsible for your needs from now on. Please, treat me kindly," she stated, trying very hard to act professionally. Truth be told, she was very confused. She had expected to meet a well trained unit of military men. Instead, what she was seeing was a gang of thugs, to put it politely, who seemed to be very displeased by her presence.

 _What have I gotten myself into?_ she thought, regretting having accepted this job immediately without asking for further details.

 _She is a tasty, brave little thing,_ Pip thought, amused, observing her from head to toe. Medium height, long black hair pulled in a tight ponytail, vivid green eyes, and a curvy body that the black slacks and purple turtleneck she was wearing could not hide. Also, her way of wording her duties had particularly excited not only him, but the rest of his men as well. So, she wanted to take care of their needs? Well, he may be a lot of things, but he had never been one to turn down a female's sweet invitation. Especially not one who looked so delectable, standing there wide-eyed like a little doe, ready to jump at the first sign of danger.

" _Ma bichette_ , it is a pleasure to make your acquaintance. I am Pip Bernadotte, the leader of these men. Do not be frightened by our rough exterior. I assure you, no harm will come to you by any of us. You may call me anything you like," he finished suggestively, winking at her with his working eye.

A loud chorus of whistles and cheers from the men followed his introduction, earning them a good glare from Seras.

"Why the long face, Mignonette? Surely, you are not jealous?" Pip asked mockingly with a wide grin.

"Mr. Bernadotte, do you want another forehead flick? And stop calling me that. I have a name, Seras Victoria. Why can't any of the males in this establishment seem to remember that? Oh, I miss Walter." Realizing too late that she might have hurt the woman with her last comment, Seras hurried to add, "Of course, I am very happy to work with you as well, Miss Amelia."

"Thank you for your consideration, Miss Seras. And don't worry, I was not offended in the least," she replied with a warm smile towards the other woman. However, turning towards the men, she took another approach, trying to correct her previous mistake by being too friendly. Men needed boundaries, after all. The sooner they knew she was not to be messed around with, the better.

"Mr. Bernadotte, I would also like to ask you to refrain from calling me anything other than my given name. If you are unable to do so, then at the very least do not address me by furry, animal pet names or you are going to discover that this _little doe_ has nothing in common with Bambi," she finished coldly, with an air of superiority.

Her moment, though, was cut short as the whole room shook by the sound of loud laughter.

"Well, I'll be damned, she actually has guts. I can't wait for her to meet Alucard," Pip exclaimed, doubled in two from laughing too hard, as the rest of his men.

Completely baffled by their reaction, she tried to speak, but was stopped by a soft squeeze on her shoulder. Seras was looking at her with clearly visible irritation upon her face and a look that said: _I'll handle this_.

Amelia, intrigued by the young girl's determined face, stepped back and wondered curiously what she would do to subdue a room filled with brute men, at least twice her size, and who this mysterious Alucard person was. Surely, he couldn't be worse than any of them.

Slowly, Seras went over to the large, wooden desk and bent a little to put her hands on each of its undersides. Just when Amelia was about to ask what she was trying to do, the small female shouted, "ORYAAAHHH", and with astonishing ease picked up the heavy furniture, throwing it towards the men who scattered around like mice.

"What the hell?" Amelia forgot herself and asked aloud.

"That is a very astute comment, human. Very astute indeed," a deep, masculine voice answered her rhetorical question from somewhere behind her, making her jump in surprise.


	6. Flying Bodies and a Red Hat

Alucard phased out from his master's office in an extremely bad mood. Much to his dismay and Integra's delight, he had spent the last hour parading back and forth in unsightly male underwear and swimsuits. Oh how the mighty had fallen! Of course, that was intended for his master. He had initially thought she had made him do this as punishment for his previous little prank with Miss Connely, but as the show progressed he had discovered with dread that Integra actually enjoyed it. Seriously, he thought she had better taste in men. He could never understand why women were attracted to models; they could barely form coherent sentences and it was probably contagious, seeing that after the parade neither could she. She had stared at him with a face full of bliss and a stupefied look that said _'_ _once more_ _'_. He had stormed out furious; however, instantly his mood lightened as a new thought crossed his mind. He could use this…weakness of hers for his own devious purposes, he concluded slyly, grinning like the madman he was. Already a plan, involving a few of these males she was drooling over for the past hour, a very distressed Integra, a pole, and a pair of handcuffs at least, was forming in his demented mind.

"Oh, I am definitely going to get revenge for this and I will thoroughly enjoy it, my naive Master," he murmured darkly, making his way to the kitchen for a long awaited meal.

He stopped midway, however, sensing his fledgling's distraught and anger flaring through his mind.

'Now, what has made the young Draculina so obviously upset? As her master, I am obliged to find out, aren't I?' he thought with renewed interest, forgetting his meal and heading towards the briefing room, where she and those morons - who called themselves mercenaries - were. Honestly, he had seen kids playing with water guns have better aim than most of these pathetic excuses of blood bags. Well, at least they served as a rather amusing pastime, he thought cynically, admitting a slight merit to their otherwise useless existence.

Just as he was about to enter the room, he sensed an unknown human presence amongst them; a female one. He immediately paused intrigued, letting his sensitive hearing do the work for him.

" _It's a pleasure to meet you all. You may call me Amelia. I'll be responsible for your needs from now on. Please, treat me kindly."_

So, she was the one his Master had finally chosen to be the temporary replacement for Walter. Apparently, she was now being introduced to the lecherous brutes. More interested in what transpired inside, he waited to hear more as he made a mental note to punish the police girl, in a most unpleasant manner, for denying him the knowledge of this pleasurable situation.

He felt the clear discomfort of the human female upon her first meeting with them, the sudden enthusiasm of the men and their crude remarks, and the increasing ire of his fledgling; which promised hell to pay if they did not cease their insulting antics.

When the female surprisingly displayed some nerve, causing even greater amusement to the degenerates and the police girl's outburst of fury, he stepped in right behind the unsuspected woman, adding to her further confusion.

"What the hell?" Amelia forgot herself and asked aloud, witnessing the petite female display a monstrous amount of power.

"That is a very astute comment, human. Very astute indeed," a deep, masculine voice answered her rhetorical question from somewhere behind her.

She jumped alarmed and turned around quite forcibly, only to come within mere inches of the most bizarre occupant of this mansion she had seen so far.

'Okaaaayyy, I have definitely stepped into the Twilight Zone,' she thought panicky, staring at the male's deep scarlet eyes. He was clad in red and black, resembling a fallen aristocrat of the past century in his attire, wore a fedora hat - _a fedora hat?_ \- and was close enough to feel his breath tingling upon her face; which was bad, very bad…because, if you dismissed his eccentric choice of clothing, he was a bona fide gorgeous male specimen, frighteningly so. Surrendering the urge to study him more closely, she confirmed her initial conclusion about him; he was a dangerous devil, hazardous for the mental health of all the female population, even a part of the male one. The man was sizzling hot with raven, silky hair, perfect bone structure, a seductive half grin, insinuating dark things, formed on his lickable lips, and a cunning glint in his crimson stare, promising tremendous pleasure and torture to anyone who dared provoke him. She took a reluctant step back and tried to put an order to her disarrayed thoughts. Time for a recap.

'I am hired instantly by a man-woman without a proper interview, a bunch of rough brutes under the command of a corrupt lunatic with a French accent are playing soldiers, a miniature woman transforms into the Incredible Hulk without the green coloring, and I don't even want to know what, in God's name exactly, the temptation before me is, lest I finally succumb to this madness and lose my mind completely. I knew I should have accepted the babysitting job at the McAllen's, despite the pay being unsatisfactory, the husband a perverted bastard, and the wife a paranoid, overprotective mother hen; at least they seemed relatively sane compared to my predicament now!' she concluded frantically, oblivious to the fact that someone else could hear her thoughts as well and was highly amused by her non-coherent tirade.

'What a fascinating, little human she is,' Alucard thought intrigued, all the while congratulating his master in her choice. She had described the dwellers of this mansion very aptly; although, he was certain the majority of them would not take kindly to her colorful depiction, excluding himself, he admitted chuckling inwardly. Also, apparently, this particular female had a brain, compared to the uncouth dimwits in the room; and a strong one at that, seeing as she was still standing and evaluating the mess she had gotten herself into, instead of collapsing to a horizontal position and playing a dead possum. He wondered excitedly though, how much more could she take before running for the hills.

'Oh, yes, these two weeks will most surely be entertaining,' he surmised darkly, transforming his secret chuckle to a full blown sinister laugh.

Both of their thoughts were interrupted abruptly by the grunts, curses, and the pleas coming from behind them.

"Mignonette, calm down, we were just joking!" Pip exclaimed, trying to shelter himself under a desk.

A lot of "yeah", "that's right", "we didn't mean it" along with profound curses and pained sounds from those hit by her accompanied their leader's explanation. Half of them had copied Pip's example, hiding under desks, and the other half were holding chairs in different protective stances, while Seras waded her way through them like a raging bull.

"I've had it with your sorry lot! Either learn how to be gentlemen or don't speak at all. It's bad enough that I have to go through your sexist taunts and vile remarks every bloody fucking day, but now you are performing your demeaning act in the presence of a clueless civilian after my explicit warning not to!" Seras shouted at the top of her lungs, flinging male bodies like they were ragged dolls in every possible direction much like the Tazmanian Devil.

Amelia, much to her astonishment, had to duck a few times in order to avoid the flying males. Alucard just swatted them away like flies, adding insult to injury, not bothering to put an end to her rampage. It was a miracle how they managed to avoid a critical injury with all the flailing around, Amelia thought amazed.

"Um … Miss Seras, thank you for defending my dignity and honor, but I think they have learned their lesson. On that note, may I ask how can you possess such inhuman strength?" Amelia shouted, in order to be heard, trying very hard to keep her composure. It would not do any good to start panicking and show weakness, much like when disciplining small children and coming in contact with a wild beast.

 _'Who_ knew taking care of disobedient children and watching the Animal Planet channel would come in handy like this? Maybe, I am indeed qualified for this job. Yeah, right! And apples did fall from the sky. Oh, wait, humans apparently did!' she thought sarcastically, observing the male bodies scattered around the floor.

Before the blond woman had a chance to answer her, a deep, throaty laughter echoed throughout the room, freezing effectively all activities.

Most of the males visibly cringed, crawling as fast as their broken bodies allowed them to the opposite direction of her and the man, if she could call him that, who now had an evil smirk and a bemused expression painted on his perfect features.

Suddenly, the young girl was standing right next to her with a salute and a clearly confused face. Amelia hadn't even seen her move, which confirmed her previous thought about the inhuman part. Obviously, things were not what they seemed to be in the Hellsing Organization and she had a dreadful feeling she was about to discover exactly how much different from normal they were.

"M...m-master, w-what are you d-doing here?" Seras stuttered profusely, her wide stare moving worriedly from her master to the frail human. She noticed that Amelia was clearly shocked by her display, but, thankfully, she had at least remained in the room and had very politely asked for an explanation, not something one would expect from someone in her stead right now. It was a good sign, she sighed with relief. Until her gaze met her master's and she saw the excitement shining in its depth.

'Oh no, this is not going to end well for the poor woman,' she thought nervously. Her master looked like a dog with a new chew toy tossed in front of him. The image was so ironic, that made her giggle aloud, luring her master's attention to her, and adding herself to the list of not fortunate people this day. _'_ Well, at least Amelia will be safe for a little longer, regrettably in my expense, though,' Seras all but whined miserably, before her thoughts were interrupted by her master's rich, baritone voice.

"Police Girl, since when am I accountable for my actions to you? I am free to roam wherever I want, whenever I want. As for this little gathering you prepared without informing me, be assured you will receive proper punishment in due time," Alucard warned harshly towards his fledgling, annoyed by her disrespect. Then, his mood lightening from the prospect of the abuse he was contemplating on inflicting upon her, he turned to face the human, trying to be as less intimidating as he could, lest he scared the little female away before he had his fun.

"Miss Amelia Rogers, I presume? It is indeed a pleasure to make your acquaintance. Allow me, instead of my useless fledgling, to educate you on the rather unique institution you are now a part of," he addressed the dark-haired woman with a fanged smile, delighting on the paleness that covered her face and the words that formed in her mind.

'Oh my God, are those real fangs? I should have ordered the garlic bread with the pasta I had for lunch!'


	7. Does Anyone Else Have a Question?

'This cannot be happening! It's a trick, an illusion of some sort,' Amelia thought panicky. Yet, as she looked at those crimson glowing orbs and wickedly long canines, she recognized them for what they truly were; vampire traits. The sinfully seductive creature, that was standing before her, was exactly as the legends described; dangerous and alluring, something that could kill you in an instant AND rouse an undeniable desire at the same time.

'This is so not fair! Monsters were supposed to be revolting, not something that looked like every woman's wet dream!' Amelia thought grudgingly, grounding her teeth. Tearing with great difficulty her gaze away from the distracting male, she focused on the petite woman at her left. As much as she liked to deny it, there could be no other explanation for the female's superhuman strength and speed. Even though, she had nothing in common with the intimidating being in red, she must be one of his kind.

"You are correct in your assumptions, Amelia. Even though, she doesn't look the part, she is indeed one of the denizens of the night. An incompetent, weak one at that, but still a nosferatu nonetheless," Alucard said aloud, still grinning.

'Here we go again. Let's hear it for the pathetic, useless police girl. Just once, would it kill you to describe me not using diminutive words?' Seras wondered dejected, feeling a bit hurt.

"I will give you proper praise, Draculina, when you finally do something that deserves it. As it is, you have done nothing but bring shame to my bloodline. If you so desperately require a male's approval, I suggest you focus on the worthless Frenchman. I'm sure he would be more than happy to shower you with compliments, if it would get you to spread your legs for him. Unfortunately for you, I am not as easily swayed by female wiles," Alucard replied smugly to the blond vampire's silent inquiry.

"I-I would n-never do s-something l-like that, M-master," Seras sputtered uncontrollably, mortified by her master's suggestion, trying really hard not to imagine a scenario like that. Truth be told, although, her master was an insufferable sadist, he was indisputably a very attractive male. One, that even in her virgin eyes, looked really delectable when he was bathing in the blood of his enemies and her dark side reared its ugly head, forcing her to enjoy the mayhem and appreciate his savagery as well alongside him.

'Ah yes, I'm perfectly aware of your lustful thoughts whilst on the battlefield, fledgling,' Alucard send the mental response to his ward, chuckling, and watching delightfully as her face flamed instantly. He also noticed with satisfaction that she was not the only one blushing madly at his selection of words. The human female was as red as a tomato, failing miserably to hide her reaction.

'Oh God, get it together, Amelia! He is the last person you should feel attracted to. Maybe I have waited too long to satisfy my female "needs" and now I am paying the price for my neglect, getting turned on by a… a dead guy! It has been over a year since the last time I had sex, after all,' she mused, trying to give her mind a valid reason for her absurd reaction to his calling her name, without a proper suffix, so intimately.

'You would have felt the same way, even if you had sex daily,' a treacherous little voice informed her from the back of her mind, causing her further embarrassment. She was abruptly brought to reality by his deep, husky voice saying her name so entrancingly, she was sure he was doing it on purpose.

"Amelia, perhaps we could move to a more _private_ place and continue this discussion. You need to be fully educated on our unique environment, if you still _desire_ to work here. Further more, although I have no complaint against the epithets you have used to…describe me so far, I will allow you to call me by the name my master bestowed upon me; _Alucard_ _,_ " he uttered with a cunning glint in his eyes, his name drawled in a provocative whisper, confirming her previous thought.

'He knows! And, obviously, he's having a blast teasing me,' Amelia surmised, when he especially intoned the words "private" and "desire" and revealed his name, as something that would escape a woman's lips hoarsely in the throes of passion. Suddenly, she felt a delicate hand on her shoulder and turned, facing the equally red and distressed face of Seras. She had a defeated look upon her face and her expression clearly said: _'_ _Just give up_ _'_. She pondered on it for a few seconds, before finally deciding that was the best course of action. _'_ _Know thy enemy._ _'_ She repeated the General's Sun Tzu quote from "The Art of War", finding it strangely apropos in this situation.

'Ohhh, so the human female has bite. Too bad for her, I have far greater experience in both war and biting,' Alucard thought excitedly, hearing the Chinese quote in her mind and trying to contain a burst of mad laughter. Offering his arms to the females, he watched with amusement as both tried not to flinch upon contact. Just as he was about to exit the room with each one of them at his side, a barrage of loud curses and protests came from behind him.

"Oh, come on, Alucard, you can't do that! At least, leave one of them here!" Pip exclaimed pleadingly. A lot of "yeah", "that's right", "you lucky bastard", "I hate you" were heard in agreement from his injured men.

Alucard ignored them regally, until Pip continued by saying, "Can you even get it up, corpse?" with apparent disdain etched on his face.

Slightly tilting his head to the side, he gave the mercenary a burning stare, simply responding, "Should you care to…ascertain the truth of this matter, you know where my chambers are, as well as I certainly know where yours are," and delighted on the silent reaction his comment caused on everyone.

Pip suddenly went rigid at the insinuation of his words, the men's horror flared as they wholeheartedly panicked, and the women visibly shivered; their fear, however, was mixed with something else entirely. He exited roaring his pleasure with a malicious laugh, dragging the females with him.

As soon as they were out of the room, Seras asked demurely, "Um, Master, where exactly are we going?"

"Of course, in my chambers, where else?" he replied further amused by their sharp inhalation and the wide stare they exchanged.

When he reached the dungeon where he currently resided in, he pushed the heavy doors open without even touching them, and proceeded to sit comfortably on his throne-like chair as he motioned for the women to take a seat as well on his coffin, gleefully grinning at their surprised expression.

"Master, maybe I should fetch a chair or two?" Seras suggested shyly and Amelia nodded with agreement, eying the coffin suspiciously.

"That would be unnecessary, Police Girl. Although, you may not be as pleased sitting upon it as you would be lying inside of it, I assure you that it provides an adequate seating," he responded curtly, causing the lessened reddening on their faces to return viciously.

After a mumbled 'thank you' and an awkward shifting for a few moments, they were both sitting, waiting for him to continue talking.

"Police girl, you should also listen closely, seeing as you still have trouble accepting what you are. Perhaps, it is my fault as I never fully explained what being one of the undead truly means. Amelia, this is for your benefit as well. Caring for creatures such as us is fundamentally different from what you are used to," he announced with a serious tone, leaving the entertainment aside for now. He had plenty of time for that in the two weeks that the human female would be staying in the mansion. His purpose, right now, was to convince her to do just that and not bolt at the first sign of danger. They both nodded, although, their feelings on the matter differed completely. He could sense his fledgling's excitement as she acknowledged that he finally took the time to actually teach her something, and the human's reserve as she steeled herself for the forthcoming revelation.

"We are vampires…" he started, but was interrupted by the unexpected laughter erupting from the human female.

"I-I am sorry," she apologized, shaking between bursts of laughter, "but I think I had figured that out already."

Perplexed by her reaction, Alucard waited for her to come down from whatever high she was on, thinking that probably the stress she had been under needed an outlet. Well, at least, she wasn't screaming or making a run for the door. The fact that she could still laugh under these circumstances revealed a lot about her character, and he was starting to like the woman more and more. It was no fun when they broke too soon and, unlike the blond youngster, she had no idea of what to expect; which he was going to remedy starting tomorrow, he thought sardonically.

"Ohh, if you are so knowledgeable on vampirism then perhaps you would care to enlighten us as well, Amelia?" Alucard asked her mockingly.

Suddenly, sobering up and recognizing his words for the challenge they were, she refused to back down and answered proudly without a hint of fear.

"Why, thank you for giving me the opportunity to prove I'm not some **clueless civilian** **,** " she pinned Seras with a hard stare. The young woman had done nothing wrong when she had said those words, but Amelia knew that, if one wanted to survive in a dangerous environment, filled with carnivorous predators, one must not cower and hide behind others. She needed to establish her position and leave no room for intimidation. Still, she regretted seeing the kind female flinch at her harsh words. She made a mental note to explain her fake animosity to Seras later when they were alone.

Alucard watched, gratified, as the female revealed her claws, and refrained from chastising his fledgling for allowing some human's words to inflict pain upon her. He, also, made a mental note, similar to the human's, to have a word with the blond police girl regarding her obvious vulnerability. She was now one of his race, made from his own blood, and she should act accordingly.

Seras glanced alarmingly first at her master then at Amelia, wishing she could be anywhere else but here at this exact moment. Despite the human's sweet tone, she had clearly felt the poison behind the soft words, as she had felt the mock dare behind her master's words previously.

'This not going to end well, at least not for me! I should have stayed with the impertinent boors,' she whined to herself, immersed in a feeling of upcoming doom.


	8. Sun, Garlic, and Wooden Stakes

The No Life King stared at the frail human female through half-lidded eyes, mentally praising her for her act of courage. Not many could withstand his oppressive presence and still stand up to him. It made him want to break her all the more so.

Amelia was **not** backing down. She had no idea how powerful the vampire lord before her was, but she would be _damned_ if she allowed him to overpower her and treat her like weak prey.

'Ding, dong! Here we go,' Seras imagined the sound of bells, signifying the start of a verbal boxing match. She could even see the sparks of electricity in the silent exchange of their eyes, much like between anime characters.

"Very well, Alucard. I may not be well versed in myths or the supernatural, but I am quite sure that vampires are undead, damned creatures, cursed to crave human blood as their only sustenance for the entirety of their dark existence," Amelia explained flatly, stating the obvious.

"Very…insightful, Amelia. Thank you for clarifying what a vampire's nature is, as I was having some doubts as to what I am. At least, you spared me of explaining that very basic lesson to my fledgling. Please, continue," Alucard said with a bored expression.

"From what I've read, they cannot stand the sunlight, have very little tolerance to garlic, and can only be killed by a wooden stake through the heart," she resumed her explanation, contemplating on subjecting the highly offending male to all three aforementioned tortures.

"Ah…my dear Amelia. Normally, you would have been correct in your assumptions; however, not all vampires are subdued by such methods. Should you wish to avoid being a vampire's plaything, you should refrain from attempting any of these subjugation methods in the near future. Though, if you wish to test that theory on weak, newly made vampires, do not hesitate to use the police girl as a test subject. I will even guide you through it," he suggested with an evil smirk, ignoring Seras's whimper and Amelia's shock.

"Surely you jest! A vampire who is not affected by sun, garlic, or stake cannot exist. Judging from the name of this institution, I am going to take a wild guess and assume that "Dracula" was not merely a fictional tale, conceived in Stoker's hazed stupor," she huffed indignantly, being fully aware of the paradox of her words. Like the existence of such beings was not unbelievable on its own!

A loud, unrestrained male laughter echoed through out the room after her statement, startling both women at once.

"You are highly intuitive and at the same time obliviously blind, human. You managed to make the connection upon knowing the family name of your employer, yet you refuse to delve any further than that. I am honestly quite surprised. I will forgive your ignorance since you have entertained me thus far, but try not to disappoint me so soon, little one," Alucard exclaimed, trying, but failing miserably to contain his amusement.

His words caused a new wave of panic to arise within her as the plainly cruel realization finally struck her.

'Oh, God! How did I miss this? Was I so caught up in our power struggle to not even suspect it? Yes, because a name like Alucard is soooo common…The infamous Count **is** standing before me and I didn't even have a clue! Stupid Amelia! That's what happens when you let your libido do the thinking for you…though, he's still wickedly hot,' she thought angrily, groaning at the last unwanted comment, and mentally slapping herself over and over again.

Alucard watched closely the emotions pass like a whirlwind on the female's face with an evil smirk; astonishment, self-sarcasm, awe, lust, and finally anger. She was such a fascinating puzzle for a human. What would she do now that the truth was laid bare?

"Was the book accurate?" Amelia finally blurted out.

"Well, now that's an interesting question. Unexpected…you continue to intrigue me, Amelia. And that is something that has not happened in a while - excluding the pathetic product of my blood sitting next to you. Now that was a truly a waste," he hummed enigmatically, turning his attention to the young Draculina.

'Ohh, no! In a span of less than an hour, he has threatened me with bodily harm, verbally abused me more than I would like to remember, sexually harassed me - okay, maybe I liked that one - offered me as experimental material, and now he is regretting ever having made me! Sir Integra, help meeee!' Seras silently begged, wishing the stern Englishwoman would come and save the day.

'As if, Police Girl. For your information, at this exact moment, my master is fervently trying to secure first row seat tickets for Calvin Klein's summer showcase in three weeks. No one is coming to your rescue, fledgling,' Alucard mentally answered to Seras's futile cry for help, chuckling sinisterly.

"As much as I would like to say otherwise, the majority of it did indeed happen. However, as far as books are concerned, they can only describe so much. Besides, in this case it would be correct to say that Stoker was impartial to the story. One can only unravel the truth by questioning the actual people involved, not by reading through the sentences of a flamboyant author. If you prefer a more accurate briefing, perhaps we could have some private sessions where I will be more than inclined to enlighten you further on vampires generally - and Dracula specifically - since it seems you have taken a rather intense interest in me," Alucard suggested slyly.

Amelia could not help the blush that spread from her cheeks all the way down her neck at his ambiguous words.

'Right…because what I need right now is spending more time with this dangerously erotic creature! If even half of what were written about him is true, I should be stuffing down garlic like a madwoman and sharpening up wooden stakes. Oh, I forgot… according to him those don't work, do they? I am seriously screwed; and not in a good way!' Amelia surmised cynically.

"As I recall, Alucard, I was hired as a temporary replacement for the person previously taking care of you, As such, full knowledge of your weaknesses and preferences is required. Do not mistake my professionalism as personal interest, for you would be gravely mistaken. I merely wish to perform at the best of my capabilities. Hence, your offer is graciously accepted," Amelia concluded with a stoic face, trying very hard not to show any outward emotion.

'Well, well, well…it seems you are very intent on continuing to entertain me, little human. Now I would be considered rude, if I were not to indulge you,' Alucard thought with great amusement.

"With pleasure, Amelia. You will come to my chambers every day at sundown, until your…curiosity is fully satiated," he added silkily.

"I understand, Alucard. Well then, allow me to excuse myself for now as I am truly exhausted. Seras, would you mind escorting me back to my room? I do not think I could find my way even if tried at this point," she asked the young vampire pleadingly.

The blond police girl looked at Amelia with an expression akin to utter joy, obviously grateful to avoid having further contact with her master. Looking expectantly towards Alucard for his permission, she exhaled a long sigh when he nodded his agreement.

"I would be delighted to. Come this way, Amelia," she said cheerily, as she turned and started walking towards the door.

Amelia bowed her head respectfully towards Alucard and proceeded to follow Seras.

As she exited the aristocratic vampire's lair, she visibly shivered at his deliberate parting words.

"Seeking knowledge, despite the imminent danger that this encompasses, is an admirable trait, Amelia. However, remember; Curiosity killed the cat…Be very, very careful."

Beside her, Seras cringed as well upon hearing his words. Unfortunately, her master continued with adding mentally only for her to hear, 'Draculina, tonight we hunt,' with a note of finality.

They continued their way to Amelia's room silently, both lost in their own thoughts. Upon entering, Seras started to excuse herself, only to be stopped by Amelia.

"Seras, please stay for a little while longer. I wish to…to apologize for my previous behavior," she told the vampire stuttering while avoiding her gaze.

"Eh? Apologize for what, Amelia?" Seras asked confusedly the other woman, who refused to make eye contact with her, staring at her feet.

"You know…for accusing you of insulting me earlier. I never meant to hurt your feelings. I was actually grateful for your help with those lecherous brutes. But, I did not want to appear weak before your master. That's why I deliberately acted mean towards you. Please, forgive me. It will not happen again," she explained, finally looking the blond woman in the eyes, willing her to accept the truth of her words.

Seras was honestly shocked at the human's revelation. It was the first time someone had apologized to her for anything upon joining this crazy establishment. Clearly moved by Amelia's words, she stepped forward and gave a bone-crushing hug to the stunned female.

"Umm…there is nothing to forgive really. Thank you, Amelia, for your kind words. Let's be friends, okay?" she said with a giant, heart-warming smile, beaming at Amelia.

"Sure, I would like that as well," Amelia shot back, happy that someone was acting relatively normal since her arrival. She had a feeling she and Seras were going to be great friends; when the vampire finally learned to regulate her superhuman power. That hug had almost crushed her...

Finally alone, after Seras's departure, Amelia collapsed in her bed, still fully clothed, and considered today's shocking events.

"If eating poison, do not forget to lick the plate…" she murmured, finding the old Japanese proverb most befitting of her current situation.


	9. God, Are You There?

After exhaling a long sigh, Amelia got up and decided she should unpack, have a nice, relaxing hot bath, and go to sleep early; in that specific order. She had a feeling the next day would be even more challenging for her mental health than this one, if that was even possible. She arranged her clothes in a neatly order inside the wardrobe, grabbed her toiletries, and proceeded to the bathroom. After submerging herself into the soothing water, tension leaked out of her in waves immediately.

"Seriously… _vampires_? God, am I supposed to go through this for fourteen more days? Why me? You really have a sick sense of humor, You know that?" she asked aloud, of course without hoping of ever receiving an answer. Now that she had a relatively clear mind, she realized no one had explicitly explained to her the nature of her work or what was expected of her. Next stop, first thing in the morning, would be Sir Integra's office. She was long due entitled to a more detailed briefing on what exactly her work entailed. Refusing to ponder anymore on it, lest she missed her long awaited sleep, she carefully dried herself, put on her nightwear, which consisted of a black tank top and a checkered boxer, and finally allowed herself to be overtaken by sweet oblivion.

* * *

Seras had, quite unfortunately, ended up in her master's quarters for the second time that night. As much as she wished to be anywhere but here, Alucard's orders had been perfectly clear.

"Master, I have returned. You said something about hunting tonight?" she managed to ask, dreading the vampire's reaction.

"Ahh, Police Girl. Yes, we have orders…tonight is such a wonderful night, don't you agree? A wonderful night indeed," he remarked, sighing contently as a huge, predatory grin appeared upon his face, transforming the previously serene expression into a terrifyingly dangerous one.

'Damn! He has that expression again! The one promising mayhem, dismemberment, and true death to anyone dumb enough to come near him. Oh, wait…that's me!' Seras thought panicky, wondering how she could make her master calm down or, at least, stay out of his line of vision during bloody happy-meal time.

'A blood bag? No, that would only agitate him more at this point…he is itching for the real, warm liquid flowing out of his enemies' ravaged bodies. A massage? Yeah, right! What is he, a middle-aged office worker? Did I seriously come up with that? Lame…A blowjob? Seras, shame on you!' she silently berated herself, managing the impossible; blushing with a deep crimson color even though, she was typically dead.

She was interrupted from her musings by her master's undeniably roaring mad laughter. Had he heard her? What a stupid question…of course he had!

"Police Girl, at last you are showing signs that your creation was not perhaps a tragic mistake on my part. Although, I must admit you always had a rather bizarre way of thinking. Your dreams have been most amusing as well," Alucard exclaimed, still shaking with remnants of his previous outburst.

"However, I am rather curious, fledgling. Do tell me, how exactly have you become so proficient on that particular action, to a level that I would be distracted enough to refrain from indulging in my most favorite pastime; slaughter?" he asked wryly the flushed young vampire.

'It figures he would be interested in THAT! Stupid, stupid me! Now what do I do? He isn't seriously considering to…t-' before Seras could complete her train of thought, though, the doors forcefully burst open, and Integra stormed in with a cloudy expression; thus, saving the poor girl in the process.

Observing Alucard's smug demeanor and Seras's distressed form, she paused momentarily.

"Alucard, what have you done now? Why are you so intent on adding to your list of misconduct? Was your earlier punishment not enough? Or perhaps are you more of a masochist than I believed? If that is so, I apologize. I will take it into consideration from now on and have pre-organized punishments scheduled for your pleasure; whether your actions require it or not," Integra bit out dryly, challenging her servant.

"Ahh, this is truly delightful! Perhaps you can even perform both of your suggestions at the same time. After all, who am I to refuse such lovely, young ladies?" Alucard replied to the dumbfounded women, laughing hysterically.

"Seras, what the bloody hell is this cocky bastard insinuating?" Integra asked angrily the other woman, who had gone from brightly red to deathly ashen in an instant.

"U-umm, S-sir, I-I h-have n-no i-idea," Seras stuttered uncontrollably.

"Have you forgotten so soon, Police Girl? _Shame on you_ _,_ " Alucard recited her own words with emphasis, causing her to pale even more.

"Enough! Alucard, you will cease your sly ministrations this instant. My patience is running thin tonight. Seras, stop allowing him to get under your skin. It only serves to provoke him further!" Integra bellowed, fed up with the both of them.

"Oh, whatever, pray do tell, has you in such a foul mood, master? Could you not secure those prized tickets of yours on time?" he asked mockingly the huffing female.

"If you do not shut up, servant, you will be spending the rest of your pathetic, unnatural life dressed in tacky swim trunks; with flower patterns!" she informed him venomously.

At that, he grimaced with repugnance, deciding not to pursue the matter further.

"Now, the reason I am gracing you with my presence concerns the newly acquired member of our staff. It came to my attention that you had already made contact and I was curious as to how that went. I sincerely hope you did not scare the poor woman out of existence. If you did, so help me, Alucard, you will not like the repercussions!" Integra warned, narrowing her eyes.

"Yes, we did indeed meet and, I must say, I am growing rather fond of the human. Your concerns are unnecessary, master. I do not intend to irrevocably damage the frail female as of yet," Alucard revealed with a ghost of a smile upon his lips.

'Yet you are managing to do exactly that just fine, master…' Seras thought to herself, not wanting to draw anymore attention, upsetting either of them. Today was really just not her day, she whined miserably. She felt like she was starring in _Clash of the Titans_ …

'Police Girl, if you do not wish to star in The Last Horror Movie as well, I suggest you keep your comments to yourself. My blood is running quite hot tonight and you will not like being the target of my released tension…or perhaps you have a different opinion? Either way works for me,' Alucard transmitted mentally.

"You will refrain from doing that _ever_ , Alucard! And stop intimidating your fledgling," Integra added when Seras hid behind her hurriedly whilst looking at him terrified.

"As you wish, Integra. Now, tell me more of tonight's hunt. I find myself rather eager for the thrill; although, I am certain the targets will be nothing worth mentioning again as always."

"Well, servant, rejoice…Tonight's hunt may prove to be much more interesting than what you would normally expect it to be," she said with a slow, deliberate grin.

"Ohhh, this night keeps getting better and better as it goes by…" Alucard commented with a lopsided grin.

"I was informed that an underground gang has taken complete control of all criminal activities in the west side lately. At first, I did not pay special attention to the matter. After all, it does not fall under Hellsing's jurisdiction to police human scum. However, strange rumors were soon spread regarding that gang. It seems that their members are rather peculiar…" she stated seriously.

"In what way, oh my revered Master, are they so peculiar?" Alucard asked dripping with contempt, bored by Integra's long speech.

"Well, oh my deplorable servant, they are said to have quite a unique appearance. Does having red eyes and extended fangs ring a bell to you?" she returned wryly.

'Ah, here we go again with the bells…I should have known it was too good to be true when Sir Integra came to my rescue. There is always a catch…' Seras thought defeated. This night was getting worse and worse dramatically fast.

"Every half-assed fledgling has red eyes and fangs, master. I am asking what exactly makes them so different from the usual prey," he responded dryly, motioning pointedly towards Seras. He had caught on early at what his master was trying to accomplish. It was a ruse; a trick to test his fledgling's newborn abilities and finally strip her of her ridiculous denial to consume blood.

"You do make a fine argument, servant, but you never did let me finish my sentence," she shot back, concentrating her attention as well towards the young vampire, glad that Alucard had understood her intentions instantly. The petite female could simply not continue like this. Integra had first hand experience at what battle made a person do; things one would - under normal circumstances - never do, under life threatening situations did not seem so important. This was a brilliant chance. The low level vampire gang would serve as suitable fodder for the growth of their young Draculina.

"U-um, why are you both looking at me like that?" Seras asked with a dreadful premonition. She really didn't like the way they were staring at her.

"Fledgling, I revoke my previous order. We will not hunt tonight," Alucard stated with a matter of fact tone.

"What? Master, you heard Sir Integra. They are dange-"

" _You_ will hunt alone, Police Girl."

"-rous criminals," Seras completed the sentence and paused momentarily, shocked by her master's announcement.

"WHAT!?" she bellowed surprised when the words of her master finally registered.

"Calm down, Seras. You should be honored. Alucard and I deem you worthy of undertaking this assignment on your own," Integra informed the dumb-founded blond girl.

"B-but…" Seras sputtered miserably.

"Are you questioning our judgment, fledgling?" Alucard asked ominously with a dark expression.

"N-no, Master. I understand fully," Seras conceded, feeling dejected.

'One of these days these two are going to be the cause of my death. Oh wait, I am already dead, aren't I? Why, oh why, did I ever agree to join the Mentally Challenged Undead Corps?' Seras lamented, resigning to her fate.

"That is a question only you can answer, Police Girl. Although, I care not for the reason, so keep it to yourself. However, I am not as cruel as you have pictured me to be. You may take the uncouth Frenchman with you," Alucard announced like he was doing Seras a great favor.

"Mr. Bernadotte? You want me to take _him_ with me?" Seras exclaimed, feeling like a trapped animal.

"That would be acceptable. For once, you made a fine suggestion," Integra added regally. The temptation would be greater for the untrained vampire with a warm, virile body close by.

"This meeting is concluded. Alucard, you will guide Seras mentally during the mission and I will personally inform Mr. Bernadotte of his participation and what is expected of him," Integra decreed before exiting the basement.

'Is it too late to migrate to Alaska?' Seras wondered silently as she watched Integra leaving.


	10. Knights and Monsters

"Mr. Bernadotte, you are to escort Seras in tonight's hunt. Here is the file containing all information concerning the target," Integra informed a rather subdued Frenchman.

'Strange...' Integra thought. What had happened for the usually annoyingly lively male to appear so…so defeated. She had intended to explain in full details what else was expected of him during this unique mission, but now she thought it wise not to do so. Clearly, the mercenary was already enough disturbed as it was. It would be counter-productive to inform him of his involuntary participation in luring the young vampire to the ways of the undead.

"I understand, Sir," was all he said as he turned then exited the office half-heartedly, probably in search of his newly appointed partner.

* * *

Back in the basement, Seras and Alucard were locked in what one would call a staring contest. After Integra's departure, they had been measuring one another in silence for what seemed now over half an hour. Neither was inclined to break the uncomfortable contact; however, their thoughts were running amok behind speculating eyes. No one would have thought it possible, but they were indeed conversing without feeling the need to voice their arguments aloud.

'After all I have been through today, now this! Why don't you just feed me to the lions as well, Master?' Seras asked rather sullenly.

'Oh, cease your miserable whine, Draculina. That thought has crossed my mind. However, replace the lions with my dark beast. I quickly discarded the thought, though, knowing that since I created you, you would regenerate, albeit at a slower pace than would I. Maybe it's worth a try…' came the snide reply from Alucard.

'Fine! But, why Mr. Bernadotte? Why couldn't **you** come with me as always?' _s_ he pleaded with the tall vampire, terrified by his suggestion. She had seen what his ferocious incarnation was capable of one too many times…

'Ohhh, so now you finally admit you enjoy the pleasure of my company whilst hunting?' he asked in turn without even bothering to answer her question.

'T-that's not what I meant and well you know it, Master! You always belittle human's combat expertise against vampires, so what has changed now?' she asked grudgingly, ignoring the faint blush that covered her face at his inquiry.

'I have tried time and again to teach you the superiority of our race. However, you have failed to grasp it every single time. I grow tired of your weakness and constant attachment to humanity, fledgling…A human is enough to train a pathetic excuse of a creature such as you. I refuse to waste any more of my time and patience training a failure,' he stated with disdain distorting his perfect features.

The words cut Seras far deeper than any physical wound she had ever received in the past did. Had her master finally decided she was not worth the trouble? All her life, she had felt that she belonged nowhere. She had thought that maybe this would change now. She knew her master was not being irrational. Who had ever heard of a vampire not drinking blood before? It was like those weak willed women refusing to eat, obsessing over their physical appearance. She flinched at the vile comparison. Her reasons may be wholly different; nevertheless, she was doing exactly the same thing. She was destroying herself. Her master was only trying to help her realize this sooner with the only way he knew. By being a complete and utter jackass…

'Police Girl, you will refrain from addressing me by such crude names! I am pleased to see you are using the almost non existent brain you were gifted with upon your birth; however, I do not approve of your language. Perhaps, the equally brainless pervert is not an appropriate partner after all,' he responded dryly, interrupting her inner dialogue with herself.

'Then why did you choose him in the first place, master?' Seras asked rather exasperated, albeit feeling a little better. In his own twisted, paranoid way her master **did** care about her, she surmised ecstatic. Only he could make such hurtful, demeaning comments sound like compliments. She knew, however, the truth. If he didn't care, he would have just ignored her or obliterated her. God knows, she had given him more than enough reasons to do so according to his controversial logic.

'You will find out soon enough on your own, Police Girl. Let's just say that the human has his uses; on rare occasions,'Alucard replied mirthfully, his mood suddenly lightening.

She reeeaaally disliked his tone right there and then. It seems she was in for a much unpleasant and unwanted continuation of this tortuous night. What had her devious master planned for her now? Whatever it was, she knew it never ended well…

'Go upstairs now, Police Girl. Your knight in shinning armor just exited Integra's office and I refuse to have his presence defile my personal space,' he informed her wryly.

'Right away, master. And he is **not** a knight of any kind. I would say he is more of the slimy monster lurking in the muddy waters,' she huffed, irritated by his comparison.

'I am sure you are not the first female who has compared him to such, Police Girl. Just keep in mind that I will intervene when I deem it necessary. Perhaps, if you manage to successfully complete the mission without my assistance, I will reconsider your value and present you with a gift…' he finished enigmatically, motioning for her to leave.

She complied and went in search of the insufferable cretin, she was now saddled with, puzzled about her master's parting words. A gift…well, for one it would be something unique. She had no doubt about that whatsoever. However, her mind went back on another poor soul her master had deemed worthy of gifting.

Somehow, their private chemist had found a way to combine regular human blood with a drug that caused a very similar feeling of ravishment to the one felt when drinking it straight from source. Of course, it could not perfectly duplicate the effects, since it was provided in a blood bag, not in a haze of violence, struggling and strong emotions, that her master reveled in, but it was a great improvement.

Immensely pleased with the human's discovery, Alucard had mentally subjected the male and his spouse to a very intense state of arousal. Now, naturally that would be considered a good thing…However, as the days went by and the heat they felt did not subside in the minimum, things started going out of control. They could no longer discriminate between who was giving them pleasure; they just craved release. After a month, the couple ended in the hospital, malnourished and exhausted, along with several other members of the HQ's staff.

The couple eventually split up; the poor female still visits a psychiatrist, mentally scarred by the incident, and the chemist tried to unsuccessfully poison Alucard; which resulted in him being his dinner instead of the plastic container as usual. Needless to say, Integra was not pleased with the "unfortunate chemical reaction" - as the whole event came to be known as - and she was even more pissed when Pip suggested to bottle up whatever Alucard had infected the poor humans with, mass produce it, and sell it on the underground market. All in all, it was a disaster…

Her master certainly had a way of making a gift look like a curse. Considering that, she was not very eager to receive whatever "gift" her master had prepared for her. Perhaps, she should flunk the mission intentionally. She had no idea what could be worse; the punishment or the gift? Unfortunately, she was guilty of what her master constantly accused her of; having human emotions. She could not - and would not - allow these monsters to hurt innocent people if she could help it. Besides, alongside her master, Sir Integra would chew her out if she dared mess up. Damn, she really felt like Odysseus; trapped between Scylla and Charybdis.

With heavy steps she arrived at the main hall where an equally disheartened male was waiting for her. Upon seeing each other, a simultaneous sigh escaped their lips.

"Hi, Mr. Bernadotte. I was told you would be accompanying me in tonight's hunt," she said with a monotonous voice.

"Bonsoir, mignonette. I was told the exact same thing. Now, what has our usually cheerful Seras in such a dark mood?" he asked concerned. She seemed fine the last time he saw her; delightfully flushed and embarrassed, but in good spirits.

"If that bloody bastard has done anything to my mignonette, I'll show him hell!" he exclaimed, anger replacing the gloom that surrounded him.

"Mr. Bernadotte, I am not _yours_ and, for the last time, my name is _Seras Victoria_!" she bellowed, feeling the anger affecting her as well.

"Besides, I believe he has already seen hell, Mr. Bernadotte. What more do you think _you_ can do to him?" she scoffed, doubting the male's mental capability.

"Mignonette, do not doubt a man's courage when his female is being threatened," he announced seriously.

Seras was seriously confused as to what feeling she should let prevail at his confession; anger, frustration, amusement? Her body chose for her as she erupted in a fit of uninhibited laughter.

"What is so funny, mignonette?" he asked, clearly surprised and insulted by her reaction.

The words that came out of her mouth the next moment, made Alucard, who of course had never left her mind, mimic her actions - double in mad laughter - and feel a little pride towards his fledgling.

"My master was right, Mr. Bernadotte. You _are_ a knight in shinning armor. Now, I must reconsider my previous depiction of you and combine it with my master's. I know, how about Shrek? However, be very careful, because my master has nothing in common with Lord Farquaad and I might, quite unfortunately, find myself without your charming protection tonight - or any other night for that matter - if you try to challenge him on my behalf," she mocked him, still shaking from her previous outburst.

"Now, let's get going, you big he-man, before my master takes my words into account and decides to prove their verity," she finished, dragging a very confused and disoriented Frenchman out of the mansion towards the parking lot.

'Do not fret, Police Girl. For the amusement you have caused me with your words, the pathetic human lives for the night. Can you promise the same thing?' Alucard's deep, masculine voice echoed in her mind.

Instead of answering her unsaid question, though, it brought a cascade of new ones.

'What exactly do you mean, master? I may be angry at times with the incorrigible jerk, but I wouldn't go as far as to kill him for his insolence! I am not you…' she informed him haughtily.

'You are certainly not me, Police Girl. However, even _I_ would not kill him in anger. Have you so little understanding of your Master even now, fledgling?' he replied silkily, causing a shiver to run through her.

Ahhh…yes, she understood now. Her master, even when angered, thought of only one thing when bathing in the blood of his enemies. She had felt it as well, the first time she had lost herself in the calling of her beast.

_Pleasure_

She finally understood the reason behind the Frenchman's designation as her partner and dreaded the consequences of this hunt.


	11. In Case You Run Out of Batteries

Seras would never have imagined such a hideous place was hiding in London if she was not seeing it with her own eyes right now. The neighborhood consisted of dark alleys, questionable pubs and what - she could only guess - were low priced brothels. Unfortunately for her, with her heightened senses the foul smells were nearly overwhelming. It reeked of decay, bodily fluids, and strong chemicals. Pip, on the other hand, wore a look which Seras could only describe as nostalgia mixed with disdain.

'Okaaay, I will not even ask…' she thought, not wanting to examine further the Frenchman's peculiar mood.

"Mr. Bernadotte, can you identify the building in which the targets have taken refugee?" she asked said male, trying really hard not to smell anything, but failing miserably.

"Why, of course, mignonette. You see that red building on the corner? I believe this is where our prey is hiding," he informed her merrily.

"Mr. Bernadotte, judging from the sounds and smells coming off of that building, I am fairly sure that it is not the gang's base…" she replied sharply, recognizing the screams and moans from that direction as products of pleasure not torture.

"Well, you cannot blame a man for trying, can you?" he retorted with a sly grin and a lecherous wink.

Resisting the urge to strangle him and roll her eyes at his lame attempt to convince her to enter that kind of "establishment", she took a look at her surroundings and tried to focus, searching for where the metallic taste of blood was the strongest. Pinpointing a spot a few hundred meters away after a couple of seconds, she grabbed the annoying Frenchman and dragged him towards a seemingly half destroyed, abandoned building.

"I believe they are hiding underground," she whispered.

"Very good, mignonette. Yes, you are correct. This is what we are looking for," he responded a little too close for her comfort.

"Wait, what? You knew and you let me inhale all these putrid, acidic smells just for the fun of it?" she shot back enraged.

'Now, now, Police Girl, do not get so flustered over such a small matter. You will not always know exactly where the enemy is hiding, so take this chance to hone your basic instincts. Trust me, you may run out of batteries on the Gps, but your senses and your own body will never fail you. The same can be said for other electrical devices you might find useful in the future,' Alucard's deep voice answered sarcastically instead of the mercenary's.

Knowing full well her master's penchant for sexual innuendo and after Pip's failed attempt to drag her into a brothel, she refused to ponder more on what kind of electrical devices the debauched vampire was referring to.

Unfortunately, this communication was not privy only to her as the other perverted male in her company added, "Mignonette, if you ever feel…the overwhelming need for such instruments, I will be more than happy to show you how to properly use them," with a suspicious glint in his uncovered eye.

"And here I thought you would volunteer to be my warm, live plaything instead of a cold, inanimate replacement," was what came out of her mouth unexpectedly, shocking the hell out of the sexual harassing freak much to her satisfaction.

However, the satisfaction was short lived as she had not accounted for her master's reply.

'Ahhh Draculina, I am flattered really…now, if you are a good girl and complete your mission in an adequate enough manner, I might consider indulging your…desire,' Alucard breathed in a low, throaty voice.

'Damn, damn, damn! Me and my big mouth! Of course he would turn my words against me! And who can blame him? He is cold AND inanimate in a way… not to mention he probably has centuries of experience playing verbal games. I am sure he excels in games of another nature as well…No, bad, bad Seras! Don't even go there! You are in the middle of a mission…' she mused, feeling her entire body burn, lost in whatever spell his dangerously seductive voice had trapped her within. His only response to that was a knowing, husky chuckle and what she swore could be a hushed _"indeed"_.

Having forgotten that this was a three way conversation, she was abruptly yanked from her thoughts by Pip's loud snort.

"Hn, for a corpse you sure talk big…" he bit out sullenly.

'Do you really wish to instigate this argument again, human? I thought my previous comment in the briefing room was satisfying enough to appease your unhealthy curiosity over this matter. However, I am inclined to grant you a more…thorough explanation, if you so desire it,' Alucard informed him sinisterly, eliciting the exact same reaction the aforementioned insinuation had caused the first time in the Frenchman.

Now, next to a madly blushing Seras, stood a deathly ashen Pip.

'Oh, you two are surely the epitome of irony; one could even wonder which one of you is truly alive and which one is dead at this instant…' he commented dryly.

Since Seras had a few more seconds to pull herself together than him, she quite violently dragged a still shaken Pip to the entrance of their target's lair. Entering the deserted building, she sensed around 20 bodies underground, thankfully all of them without a pulse. She would hate to involve civilians. Besides, she was not trained in situations including hostages and she most certainly would not follow her master's example in her own case. Sir Integra would be most displeased if she did so for one…

She found the hidden stairs, leading to their hideout, and motioned for Pip to follow her silently. When he moved to get in front of her, she cut him a glare that implied, _'_ _are you really that stupid? Back off Tarzan!_ _'_ ; which surely wounded his male pride, but hopefully would keep him alive long enough to whine about it afterwards.

'Arrogant males and their gigantic egos…just when they display a spark of intelligence, they revert immediately back to a single celled body,' she thought angrily.

'If you have finished reciting your useless partner's attributes, Police Girl, you might want to focus on the enemy's movements. They seem to have taken notice of their security breach; albeit quite late,' Alucard announced in a tone laced with boredom.

They both tensed at the warning and crouched low in the staircase, adjusting their weapons. Seras prepared for a full frontal attack and instructed Pip to cover her from the corner, which he grudgingly accepted.

'Aim at the head or the heart. They are NOT humans!' Seras repeated the mantra in her head as always before a battle with the bloodthirsty monsters.

'Yes, you are finally learning, Draculina,' Alucard remarked, making Seras wonder if this was a compliment or an insult. She decided to let it be for the moment; she had more urgent matters that required her attention in front of her.

Suddenly, a bullet passed above her head, missing her only by a few millimeters. She instantly sprinted forward, taking full advantage of her superhuman speed, aiming at the dead bodies that fired at her. They were mere ghouls which meant their masters were hiding somewhere, waiting for the chance to attack when she was defenseless. Counting their numbers, as she continued to dispose of them swiftly, she surmised that there should be at least two vampires leading them. After finishing the easy task of vermin extermination, she stood in a pool of blood at the center of the dark corridor, trying to pinpoint the exact location of the remaining targets. However, that proved to be quite difficult. All the exhilaration from the recent massacre, and the excess blood flowing in abundance all around, clouded the logical part of her brain as her beast emerged to the surface.

Pip was awed by her display and fluid movements, disposing expertly the handful of mindless ghouls, when he felt that something was terribly wrong with the petite female. Her aura seemed darker than usual and, when he finally got a look at her face, her deep scarlet orbs glowed with hunger and insanity. This was definitely a different kind of insanity than Alucard usually displayed. He may have looked mad during a hunt, but he was always in control of his actions; no matter how disturbing those were. Seras, though, now looked…feral. Yes, that was the word he was desperately seeking to describe her.

'Alucard, if you are still here, now is the time to humor me! What the hell is wrong with mignonette?' he tried to ask the only person who might have a clue about her current condition.

'Honestly, this is not even funny anymore, you pathetic human…I knew your brain was seriously underdeveloped due to lack of use in recent years, but the answer to that question is relatively easy even to children. B-l-o-o-d-l-u-s-t; in case you did not comprehend it, blood lust…' he replied mockingly.

'Well, thank you, oh great wise being, for enlightening this humble peasant; however, couldn't you have done it without the cheer routine? Just imagining you with pink pom poms is enough to cause me permanent nightmares…' Pip returned wryly.

Just as he was about to inquire for a possible solution to Seras's predicament, a sudden movement caught his eye. He fired before he could even see the target, hoping to break Seras out of her trance like state. Things could get bad real fast if she was not tuned to the fight.

'Do not worry, Frenchman. Her senses are many times enhanced in her current state. Those two pathetic creatures hiding in the shadows, who dare to call themselves equals to us true nosferatu, will receive their just punishment,' Alucard provided with a chilly voice; which sent shivers running down Pip's spine.

Apparently, through her blood haze, Seras also heard her master's voice; though, it was probably not the words themselves, but rather his tone that caused an almost identical to his maniacal grin appear upon her face. Indeed, after that she made quick work of the remaining two low level vampires, discarding her "Harkonnen" in favor of ripping them apart, using only her deadly elongated claws.

Pip knew the young vampire possessed the strength, but he had never thought her capable of such carnage. She went through them like they were mere rag dolls and she _enjoyed_ reducing them to pieces of meat and blood stains.

Still bewildered, she sniffed around delicately, reveling in the tantalizing aroma the whole building now emitted. Looking down, she brought her hands close to her face, enthralled by the crimson liquid that covered them. Just as she flicked her tongue agonizingly slow, breathing heavily from the effort she was putting to regain her conscious mind, Pip's sudden erratic heartbeat distracted her, causing her stare to instantly lock upon him.

'Oh, damn! I didn't have that in mind when I offered to be your chew toy, mignonette…' Pip cursed with arising panic.

'Should I even ask if you are a virgin? Not that you intrigue me enough to change you, even if you were…' Alucard joked darkly.

'This not a time for jokes, Alucard! On this occasion, my life is on the line, not my family jewels! Not that she would try to harm either one if she had control; no matter how many times she threatens me of doing so,' Pip bellowed mentally, trying to make the older vampire focus on the insignificant for him matter of keeping his blood flowing inwards and not outwards.

'Alright, killjoy, calm down. Originally we sent you with her for the purpose of tempting her to finally succumb to her thirst and satisfy her blood lust. However, this is not proceeding as planned. Firstly, we hoped you would not survive and, seeing as you were already perishing, offer your blood of your own volition to her. That was the most preferable scenario, which would not have her feeling guilty of her actions afterwards. You utterly ruined this plan though…' he sighed, cursing the human's survival skills.

'Oh, I am sorry I did not die… Had I known earlier of this brilliant idea, I would not have tried so hard to avoid the flying bullets!' Pip replied sarcastically.

'Yes, it is truly unfortunate,' Alucard agreed promptly.

'However, she would never be able to forgive herself if she were to murder you, seeking your life essence, as she seems intent on doing at this instance, so I guess we will have to try a different approach when you return. Also, I'll have you know I speak French fluently,' he continued, the last phrase ceasing the profound curses the Frenchman's mind conjured in reference to him.

'So, what do I have to do to make her regain her senses?' Pip asked, restraining his anger towards the supernatural entity.

'Absolutely nothing…as if you could do anything. I do not know who fills your head with nonsense, but I assure you, your capabilities in restraining vampires are very limited; if non existent. I will deal with her,' he informed him dryly, appearing suddenly behind him and scaring the living daylights out of him...again.


	12. The Talk

Alucard gazed at the feral creature before him, feeling her intense hunger through their bond. It had been so close this time; a little more and she would succumb to the enchanting call of blood. Alas, it was a shame that the only source of the delectable liquid close by was the wretched mercenary. Seeing as she was too far gone in the bloodlust, she would not be able to control herself enough not to drain him dry. Seriously, Integra could be such a bore sometimes. He could not comprehend what was so wrong with killing one or two humans - especially of the Frenchman's variety. They would be doing the world a favor. After all, evolution could not be achieved without first removing the defective population. The pathetic excuse of a male, trembling next to him right now, was a perfect example of this. Well, no worth pondering on such thoughts. With Pip's lousy skills and his weakness against the fairer sex, it was only a matter of time before a female vampire finally took him out in the near future.

Apparently, his thoughts regarding the human being were quite transparent as he heard him say with trepidation, "Alucard, I don't know what you're thinking - and I honestly don't want to know - but I really hope it has nothing to do with me being used as bait."

"No, nothing of the sort. I have not fallen so low as to need you as a distraction against a newborn vampire. I was only contemplating on what kind of punishment I would receive from my master if I failed to ensure your survival tonight. Tell me, would you terribly miss a limb or two should you lose them?" he asked, grinning mockingly.

"Damnit, Alucard, I just said that I didn't want to know what goes on in that crazy head of yours! And to answer your ridiculous question, yes. I would mind losing a few appendages. As you can clearly see, I am already missing an eye…So, forgive me if I have grown rather attached to the rest of my body parts!" Pip replied angrily.

"Oh, fine, be that way. You mortals always tend to exaggerate and overreact regarding such trivial matters…" Alucard mused aloud.

"Well excuse us, oh mighty lord, for being humans and lacking the ability to regenerate missing limbs. Now, can you please concentrate on mignonette? I think she is trying to escape the building and I have a feeling things could get ugly real fast if she manages to do that," he said seriously.

"Trust me, you lowly creature, the ability to regenerate is not the only one I possess that you are in desperate need of. I am also capable of enhancing and lengthening limbs and I am fairly certain that a particular one of yours would very much need such modifications; if you wish to cease being ever the disappointment to the ladies," he responded full of sarcasm.

Pip practically saw red at that snide remark, but before he had a chance to form a retort, the infuriating vampire dismissed him and walked towards Seras.

'Remember, cretin, I am fluent in French. Also, there is no need to get so riled up if, as you claim, my comments are baseless…Or are they not?' were Alucard's last words to him. Pip unleashed a barrage of curses in his mind that would make even a sailor blush.

'Police Girl, as much as I loath to bring you back to your normal self, seeing as this side of you is much more entertaining, you need to let your conscious mind take control of your body. Do not embarrass yourself anymore, Draculina, and control yourself! Falling victim to your desires is an act unbefitting of a true vampire and certainly not one of MY line! When you are able to overcome your thirst and not behave like a mindless ghoul, I would be most happy to take you out hunting together. However, you must first drink; drink, conquer the hunger, satiate your needs, and join me as you should have done a long time ago…' Alucard commanded the blond vampire, while knocking her unconscious, aware that she was too far gone for his words to reach her. She would recall them, though, when she would awake much later. This was the last time he made the effort…It was now up to her to heed his advise and embrace what she has become, or ignore him and wither away slowly.

"That's it? You mean to tell me that all we had to do was knock her out? Come on, Alucard, that was ridiculously simple. I thought it would take something more elaborate on your part. I could have done it myself, had I known in the first place," Pip exclaimed, rolling his eyes.

"Your ungratefulness never ceases to amaze me, mortal. Even if she is an inexperienced and quite starved fledgling, I assure you she is more than capable of ripping _you_ apart. Or have you forgotten the countless times you have found yourself trying to escape one of her anger fits - like earlier today?" Alucard asked with a bored tone.

"Come on, you know I do that on purpose…What man doesn't want a female chasing him around?" Pip asked, smiling broadly.

"One that has a female vampire chasing him, threatening to neuter him if he ever spied on her again while she was bathing," Alucard replied blandly with a deathly glare.

"Y-you know about that? S-she told you?" Pip asked, suddenly turning pale.

"Yes, I was informed on the matter. Since you appear to be denser than I had thought originally, allow me to explain something important in case you wish to remain intact. She is _mine_! I do not care for the silly games you play or the light infatuation you may have for her, but I am warning you now. If you dare take a step further and try making a reality of the vile fantasies your mind conjures regarding her while you relieve yourself nightly, I _will_ make true of her threats," he warned menacingly with a maniacal grin.

"W-what if she wants to…to have a more serious relationship with me?" Pip asked, trying hard not to feel intimidated, but failing miserably.

"Oh, is that what you call it? In my time, we had another word for what you wish to share with my fledgling…However, even _if_ she is willing, which I highly doubt, you will make yourself unavailable or I will make you so; permanently! She has been through quite a lot and she is barely adjusting. She certainly does not need any more instability," Alucard replied dryly.

"So, you really do care about her, at least enough to warn me. Ha, who would have thought?" Pip mused aloud, feeling shocked at the revelation.

"I thought that was apparent, human. Why else would I continuously try to hold a somewhat civil conversation with her? I tend to kill the things which annoy me instantly, yet she stills lives - in her own way. However, you are another matter. One of the reasons you are still breathing lies on my master's orders, which only restrain me so far. The other reason is the fact that you tend to think with your other head, concentrating the majority of your blood there, and I am not too fond of lowering myself to perform such an act. Do not think that I am not capable of it, though, should you give me the right incentive," Alucard informed him chuckling, daring the human to provoke him.

Obviously, this comment had the desired effect, as Pip stared at him open mouthed and wide-eyed, filled with apprehension and terror; which only resulted in Alucard bursting out in a more loud and sinister laughter.

"Oh, please, do not look so shocked…Surely, by now you must have learned that I do not make idle threats. Did you really think I was only jesting all the previous times I warned you on this matter? If so, then you are truly a fool - a soon to be dead fool, to be exact," Alucard finished, cradling Seras to his arms and disappearing promptly.

"Well, fuck…" was all Pip could utter, staring stupidly at the spot where the elder vampire was previously standing.

* * *

Amelia was having a nightmare. She had accepted a job offer only to discover she would be in charge of an unruly league of degenerate mercenaries, a hybrid of Barbie and Godzilla, Count Dracula - who now went by the name of Alucard and had a penchant for sexual harassment - and God only knew what else. Her dreams were plagued by images of fanged monsters seeking her blood, lewd, burly men seeking her body, and a looming, heavy presence. Unfortunately, she discovered that the latter was not part of her nightmare, but rather a reality when she felt a searing hot breath in her ear. It whispered incomprehensible things to her still semi-asleep-self.

"…up. Wake up, my dear Amelia," a masculine voice whispered close to her ear.

A shiver ran through her at the close proximity of the highly seductive voice and she rather felt than heard his low, husky chuckling. Slowly opening her eyes, she came in contact with silky, raven locks caressing her cheek and cool, velvet lips lingering, almost touching the shell of her ear. Turning her head, she met a pair of bottomless, scarlet orbs staring at her with near-hidden amusement. Suddenly, she bolted upright, being painfully aware she was not alone in her room anymore. Hell, she was not alone in her _bed_. Thankfully, he had anticipated her move, so there was no awkward bumping of foreheads as he straightened up in a flash. When she stared at him quizzically, still dazed by the way she had been awakened, his deep, masculine voice filled the room.

"I am very sorry to wake you at such an hour, Amelia; however, your duties must start earlier than expected. I would have explained tomorrow that, since from now on your duties would be caring for creatures of the night, you would mostly work at such hours... Alas, your help is much needed sooner than I thought," Alucard informed her with, dare she hope, an apologetic tone?

"What do you mean, Alucard? Speak plainly…" she relplied, still feeling groggy.

Instead of explaining with words, however, he motioned to a yellow bundle on her floor.

"What the…IS THAT SERAS?" Amelia bellowed, suddenly very much awake, running to the unconscious female on her floor.

"What is wrong with her? I-is she d-dead?" she sputtered with a dreadful feeling.

"Yes, she is dead, Amelia. However, she has been for quite some time now. That is not the current problem," Alucard returned dryly.

"Do not patronize me, Alucard. I just woke up to find someone I am supposed to be responsible for sprawled on my floor. I would think that excuses a little disorientation on my part," she snapped at him.

"No, Amelia. If you want to be exact, you woke up with _me_ leaning above you and, I must say, I enjoyed your former reaction more," he corrected her with mirth, still slightly grinning.

"Y-you... This is not the time for teasing! Be serious, just for a few minutes… Think your royal fangness can do that? What happened to Seras?" she asked again, more focused on the girl now. She was covered with blood and gore and things she really did not want to contemplate on. Obviously, she must have been to a fight of sorts.

"She is simply unconscious. After exterminating a band of ghouls and their incompetent makers, which is her job and I will explain tomorrow with further details the purpose of our organization, she was overwhelmed by blood lust and I was forced to subdue her," he informed her with disdain etched on his face.

"I see… But, why did you bring her to me? What can I do?" she asked confused.

'I mean, apart from cleaning her up…that much is obvious,' she thought wryly.

"Well, my dear Amelia, since our original plan failed, much to my regret, you are now in charge of convincing my stubborn fledgling of the need to consume blood regularly. We really don't want her to succumb to her instincts once more, without me there to prevent unfortunate casualties. She is your problem now," Alucard finished smugly, disappearing from her sight in much the same way he had appeared in the first place.

"Agh, this can't be happening…What am I supposed to do? Give her a spoonful of beans and a spoonful of mashed potatoes like I did with toddlers, only replace the beans and mashed potatoes with blood and tomato juice? I am doomed…" Amelia groaned aloud.


	13. New Kind of Thrill

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer : I don't own Hellsing or Franz Ferdinand's songs. All rights belong to the respective parties.

"Who would have thought a slip of a woman like Seras could weigh this much?" Amelia wondered aloud, tired after her third stop on her way to the bathroom.

Finally reaching her destination, she arranged the small vampire in a half standing position near the bathtub and started undressing her, trying really hard not to focus on what the dark stains covering her from head to toe were. After accomplishing her goal, she pushed the female in the bathtub and started the tiring process of scrubbing her clean. Satisfied with the results after half an hour later, she wrapped Seras in a forest green towel, tried to untangle the mess of blond locks without much success, only to give up after ten minutes, and dragged her to the bed.

"Now, what? Do I let her sleep here or call for someone to take her to her own room?" Amelia wondered, but soon discarded the idea of entrusting the unconscious female to the uncouth brutes she had met earlier this evening.

Sighing deeply, she made Seras as comfortable as she could. and made her way to the intercom. Well, since the female could not be moved, the only choice left was for her to sleep on one of the guest rooms. Surely, a huge mansion such as this one would have more than a fair share of empty rooms.

Taking a deep breath, she pressed the intercom: "Hello? This is Amelia Rogers. I would like to request another room to be prepared for my use this night - since mine is currently occupied," she informed with a steady voice whoever was on the other side of the line.

A few seconds later a voice responded, "Certainly, Miss Rogers. Please wait for a few minutes and someone will be there shortly to escort you," in a neutral male voice.

"Thank you," Amelia replied, relieved her predicament had been solved.

The only problem now was if she should change her attire or not. She was already in her sleepwear and, to be completely honest, she was far too tired to care for modesty. Besides, who would be up at this ungodly hour to criticize her lack of decent clothing? The only person – creature - who came to her mind was probably otherwise occupied right now after burdening Amelia with caring for his offspring. The nerve of him knew no bounds! No, she decided at last, there was no reason to change clothes. She was wearing a T-shirt and some shorts, not the latest creation of Venus Victoria; nothing to be ashamed of.

The knock on the door snapped her out of her inner debate and she promptly went to answer, expecting to see a maid or a butler in the standard Hellsing uniform. But, noooo, God forbid she was so lucky… What greeted her was the Frenchman, she was introduced to earlier as Pip Bernadotte, wearing a flower patterned, unbuttoned shirt, swim trunks and a - rather large and tacky - sombrero. Well, she could not complain this day was uneventful at least. The lyrics from one of her favorite songs popped in her mind suddenly.

_You better run honey_

_Yeah you better run_

_You better run honey cos the only thing they give you_

_From a swing is if you get up and run..._

Well, she couldn't argue with that…the next time she complained life was boring, she made a mental note to bang her head against something hard repeatedly, until the thought disappeared from her mind!

"Um, Mr. Bernadotte, why are you dressed like a mariachi on vacation?" she asked the man, trying really hard not to laugh at the ridiculous sight he presented. She half expected him to conjure a guitar out of thin air and start singing.

"Mademoiselle, if you had been through what I did this evening, you would want to relax a little as well; and what better way than a nice time by the pool?" he answered with a small grin.

"I can honestly relate, Mr. Bernadotte. However, you do realize it's the middle of the night, right? I can understand the clothes if you intended to have a pool party, but the hat?" she asked confused.

"Ahh, mon cherie, I fear you are way too pragmatic. If I did not wear it, the image would be ruined, no?" he replied, winking at her.

'I fear you are way too flamboyant - even for a Frenchman!' Amelia thought cynically, but decided to hold her tongue.

"I will not argue with you, Mr. Bernadotte, for I am far too tired. I assume you were sent to escort me to a temporary room?" she asked expectantly.

"Why, yes! That is exactly the purpose of my visit…unless you wish for something else?" he replied slyly, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

'Is it too much to ask to hold a simple conversation with a male in this mansion without any sexual innuendo or sexist comment?' she thought exasperated.

In the meantime, the Antonio Banderas wannabe had taken the chance to survey the inside of her room and a loud curse escaped his mouth as he spotted Seras on the bed.

"Is that Mignonette? I wondered what happened to her when Red Skull disappeared with her an hour ago. Is she alright?" he asked worried.

Amelia stifled a laugh at Pip's nickname for the vampire. She had to give him credit for that one.

"According to _Alucard_ she will be fine. I, on the other hand, am now in charge of introducing Seras to the benefits of a liquid diet," she informed him, feeling dejected.

Apparently, her face must have shown how unhappy she was by that prospect because he put his hands on top of each of her shoulders and squeezed a bit, as if to reassure her everything would turn out well.

"So, it's your turn now, Amelia? Well, don't worry too much! We can always force feed her if you are unsuccessful…" he joked good naturedly.

"I thought the point was to make her drink willingly. Why is she refusing to drink blood anyway? Isn't it a vampire's instinct to yearn for blood? I have not heard of a vampire refusing to feed before," Amelia asked with a frown.

'A couple of hours ago you believed that vampires were myths or fictional creatures and now you are an expert on their feeding behavior?' a sarcastic voice in the back of her mind mocked her.

"Honestly, I have no idea. I think you should ask Alucard or Sir Integra that question. Maybe they can give you some tips, too," Pip offered.

'If they are assigning me with the task then they probably have the same dilemma; that or they are just simply sadistic and take pleasure into finding new ways to torture me without leaving any physical evidence,' she thought wryly.

"I'll do just that, Mr. Bernadotte. Thank you for the suggestion. Now, the sooner you show me where my room is, the sooner you can return to…whatever it is you were doing," she said, eyeing him suspiciously.

"Are you sure I cannot tempt you to join me, pretty lady?" he asked, grinning wolfishly.

"I am positively sure," she replied dryly with a hard stare.

"Oh, well, you can't blame a man for trying," he laughed then turned, motioning for her to follow him.

'I sure as hell can try!' she thought angrily.

Pip escorted her to a room similar to her own and bade her goodnight. Before any thoughts occupied her mind, she threw herself on the comfortable mattress and passed out blissfully, hoping this time no one would interrupt her much wanted rest.

As it turned out, no one did.

* * *

"Well?" Integra asked the imposing vampire in her office. She had decided to wait before she retired for the night for news on the mission.

"It was a complete and utter failure," Alucard informed her, clearly disappointed.

"How so, servant? Explain with more details. Unlike you, I am not gifted with mind reading abilities," she retorted venomously.

"No. However, your tongue is sharper than many men's blades. Besides, those particular abilities are more of a curse here, for there are not many who possess a higher intelligence short of you, my master," Alucard replied with a heavy dose of sarcasm.

"Spare me the flattery, vampire. Unless you wish to ascertain exactly how sharp my tongue can be!" she threatened him.

"Perhaps another time then…Integra," he conceded, whispering her name seductively, but not before he provided her with an image of how much he would enjoy her challenge.

"Alucard! Only over my dead body would I allow such an act to happen, you depraved lunatic!" Integra bellowed enraged.

"That can be arranged," he replied with a maniacal grin at her flustered face.

"Y-you, enough! Tell me what happened with Seras or, I _swear_ _,_ you will not taste a single drop of my blood for many years to come!" she exclaimed, knowing fully well that was a threat he actually took very seriously.

"Oh, fine…As I already stated, the mission did not have the desirable outcome we hoped for. She did indeed lose herself in blood lust; however, she was more of a beast without conscious thought, unable to control her actions, and I was forced to subdue her before she escaped and hurt innocent civilians," Alucard concluded his report.

"So, another failed attempt. What are we to do now, Alucard?" Integra exhaled tired, turning to the vampire.

"Not to worry, master. I already made plans regarding this matter," he revealed rather cheerfully.

"Should I call the morgue, servant? I remember vividly the last time I allowed you to make plans on this matter…I trust none of my staff has gone missing _again_ _,_ " she bit out harshly, narrowing her eyes towards him.

"Are you still angry over that insignificant incident? He was already dying of lung cancer. I merely ended his suffering sooner and gave him some peace. It was truly a shame the Police Girl did not appreciate my point of view and let all that delicious blood go to waste in her bathtub," he replied innocently.

"Just because the man had declared his undying love for cigars, did not mean he would develop lung cancer in the future, Alucard! As far as I am aware, precognition is not one of your abilities!" she screamed out, losing her last thread of patience and taking out her gun.

Unfortunately, all that remained in the office was a clearly distressed woman holding a gun – namely she - and an echo of a throaty, mocking laughter.

"Well, there goes my beauty rest…" Integra sighed as she started taking account of her staff, making sure all were alive and intact at the moment.


	14. Hotel California

Amelia woke up slightly disorientated at the unfamiliar surroundings, before memories of the bizarre previous day and night deluged her mind, making her groan deeply. One look at her watch informed her she had had six full hours of sleep, which seemed weird; who in their right minds would feel safe enough to sleep in a creepy mansion inhabited by blood thirsty monsters?

'Well, apparently, you,' her subconscious mocked her.

Deciding not to ponder on useless thoughts, she got up and made her way to the bathroom for a nice, quick morning shower; only to stop abruptly when she remembered that she hadn't brought any supplies with her last night apart from herself.

'Great move, Amelia! Why don't you prick yourself as well and ask Alucard for a band-aid?' she thought wryly.

The only thing she could do now was ask for someone to escort her back to her room, and endure the walk of shame for one more time. At least, from what she remembered, it would be a short walk back. Sighing with defeat, she pressed the intercom.

"Good morning. This is Amelia Rogers. If it's not too much trouble, I would like to request for someone to escort me back to my room. Preferably _not_ Mr. Bernadotte," she stressed the last sentence.

"Right away, Miss Rogers. Someone will be with you shortly," a male voice replied.

After five minutes a knock was heard and Amelia prepared herself mentally for the humiliation she was surely about to face. However, her mouth fell wide open in shock when she recognized the person standing outside her room.

"Good morning, Amelia. I trust the ordeal you faced yesterday did not disturb your sleeping habits much," a serious, yet feminine, voice asked her.

"S-sir Hellsing! No, sir…I- I mean yes, Sir, I slept well. Forgive me, I was not expecting you," she stuttered stupidly, fidgeting with the hem of her blouse.

"I can see that," Integra remarked dryly, "come, I will escort you back to your room and, perhaps, you can tell me of your first impressions on Hellsing on our way."

"Certainly, Sir," Amelia agreed a bit calmer as she followed the older woman obediently.

"So, tell me, Amelia, how was your first meeting with the inhabitants of this mansion? Please, do not spare me the details. Whatever you say, I assure you, I have heard worst. I have been living with them for far longer than you after all," Integra said with disdain.

'I am starting to understand the reason you hired me immediately, without a proper interview, or informing me of what was expected of me, Sir. If I had to spend more than two weeks with this lot, I would no doubt be hiring anyone dumb enough to cross these gates. Whoever decreed blond hair as a sign of stupidity clearly had not met Integra Hellsing,' Amelia thought, admiring for the first time the woman's cunning and manipulative nature, while cursing her own lack of observation skills.

"Well, Sir, to be completely honest, it was a unique experience," Amelia started, earning a short snort from Integra.

"That's one way to describe it. I would have certainly used a lot more colorful adjectives had I been in your position," Integra returned dryly.

'Insane, fucked up, screwed over? Those kind of adjectives?' Amelia thought sarcastically, but wisely chose not to elaborate further.

"Sir, with all due respect, may I ask a question of you?" she asked politely the blond Englishwoman.

"You may, although, I do hope you are mentally prepared for the answer," Integra replied with a hint of amusement.

"I think after yesterday nothing you will say can surprise me. The last shred of my sanity abandoned me when your faithful servant decided to appoint me as a wet nurse for Seras," Amelia replied wryly.

"Oh, so that was his marvelous plan…well, I should be glad everyone is still breathing and remains intact," Integra said with a note of relief.

'You mean physically intact, Sir. If I dare breathe a word of my adventures in Hellsing's mansion of the weird, I am sure I'll be locked in mad house for a really long time. The worst part is, I fear, perhaps, they would be correct in doing so,' Amelia added mentally.

"I understand now your reluctance in informing me of anything regarding Hellsing, but could you tell me the real reason behind my hiring?" she asked calmly.

"Honestly? You were my last and only available choice. All the others before you were either unsuitable for the job or would not survive a day here," Integra confessed, looking her straight in the eye in a way that unnerved Amelia.

"And why would you think I would last more than a day, Sir?"

"You are still here, aren't you?" Integra replied cryptically with a smirk as she stopped before a room momentarily, bid her goodbye, and walked away.

Amelia stood there, stunned for a couple of seconds, before regaining her composure, and remembering she had forgotten to ask the most important question.

'How the hell does one make a vampire consume blood without enticing it by opening a vain right in front of them?'

As much as she liked the young vampire she was not inclined to play "Guess what my blood type is like and I'll give you a cookie" game with her.

Sighing heavily, she opened the door to her room, and came across a still sleeping Seras.

Of course! It was still morning, so the vampire would not be waking up any time soon. Perking up as she realized she had a whole day ahead of her to come up with a solution to her pressing assignment, Amelia headed for the bathroom. After a quick shower, she dressed in dark jeans and a green sweater with the words "Don't judge me by my friends" on front and a picture of her best friend doing an obscene hand gesture on the back, and headed out, intent on finding the library for a little research before her _date_ with the infuriating vampire.

'A date? Where did that thought come from? Get your act together, Amelia! At best, what you will be doing is trying to convince a shrewd bastard you are not the best choice for his dinner. Not that she minded getting a bite out of that male…Agh, not again! Shut up, retarded, lust crazed me before he takes a bite - and not the kind you would enjoy!'

Lost in a ridiculous argument between her logic and her libido, she did not pay attention to where she was going until it was too late. Opening a large door she was greeted by a bunch of half naked, sweaty men engaged in mock duels or in the midst of various training exercises.

"I knew you couldn't stay away for long, ma cherie," Pip laughed while trying to avoid a swing from his sparring opponent.

'I must be cursed! That, or God has a really sick sense of humor,' Amelia whined when she heard the voice of the man she desperately hoped to avoid today.

"Good day to you as well, Mr. Bernadotte. It was not my intention to interrupt your training. I was just looking for the library and got a little lost. If you'll excuse me now, please continue," she replied, turning her back intent on getting the hell out of there before their lewdness made an appearance. Again, it was too late.

"Amelia, mon fleur, please stay. As you so boldly announced yesterday you are responsible for us, too, no? And we are most certainly in need of your assistance," the Frenchman continued, ignoring her sad attempt of escaping.

'What is it with these people? Is there a manual on "How to trap Amelia into unfavorable situations" lying around here somewhere? If so, please let me find it soon, so I can burn it once and for all!' Amelia thought grudgingly, clenching her teeth as she turned to stare at the offending male.

"What do you and your men require of me this fine morning, Mr. Bernadotte?" Amelia asked sweetly, plastering a big fake smile on her face, refusing to let them take the upper hand.

"Why, what else, my dear Amelia? Your sweet company of course! It's a sad existence, really, when one spends so much time without the enticing presence of a lovely woman around. How can they expect us to fight without proper motivation? Don't you all agree?" he asked with a smug expression the remaining men who had ceased all activities and were drooling over her. A barrage of nods, "yeahs", "gimme some sugar", and other colorful comments were heard from the horde of imbeciles.

"Firstly, Mr. Bernadotte, if you need motivation in the form of female company, there are plenty more appropriate places downtown, where you can find it, as I am sure you already know and visit frequently. Secondly, if you prevent me from reaching the library and conducting a more thorough research on vampire lore, you will be left without my _lovely_ company, since most likely Alucard will kill me for my ignorance this very night. Thirdly, I am responsible for your well being, but if you continue to harass me, I will not be held accountable for my actions. _Lastly, you and your ruffians can go die a very painful death and make my job a hell of a lot easier, you phallocratic pigs!"_ Amelia finished coldly with apparent loath, keeping the last comment to herself.

"Oh, how you wound us, fair lady!" Pip exclaimed dramatically holding a hand over his heart.

"Be glad your wounds are imaginary for the time being, Mr. Bernadotte. I grew up in an orphanage where you had to fight to protect your possessions and to be taken seriously. I am quite used to dirty tricks and not the kind you would enjoy - I assure you!" Amelia countered in a deadpan voice, before making a beeline for the door.

'Now, where the hell is the damn library?' Amelia wondered silently, when her stomach gave a most unladylike growl, reminding her she was in much need of breakfast before anything else, _'_ 'Correction…where the hell is the damn kitchen _?_ _'_


	15. The Scarlet Letter

After a couple of wrong turns, a rather painful and ungraceful fall, and an inevitable, humiliating call to the control center, Amelia finally managed to locate the kitchen after a good forty minutes. Here she stood now, with probably a bruised knee and quite famished from the overexertion, staring at an equally wide eyed woman. She wore the standard Hellsing uniform with an apron, so she was without a doubt part of the kitchen staff.

"Good morning. My name is Amelia and I am a new employee here," Amelia introduced herself, breaking the uncomfortable silence with a forced smile.

"Good morning, Miss Amelia. We were all informed of your presence; however, we were told to provide your meals at the time requested by you personally. I am sorry for not having anything prepared for you this morning. I was awaiting your call. Sir Hellsing takes her breakfast in her personal study and the men eat from the buffet in their training area. What is your schedule, so there won't be any more misunderstandings? Would you like me to fix you something now? I am truly sorry for my neglect," the middle-aged woman ranted in almost one breath with an alarmed expression for possibly having failed her duties.

"Calm down and please tell me your name first. I am not angry in the least for something that was by all means my mistake," Amelia replied with a genuine smile, feeling charmed by the kind woman. She reminded her of those sweet cookie making aunts in the TV ads. She looked like she was somewhere around her early forties, but traces of her former beauty still remained, picturing a lovely image.

"Oh, but of course! Where are my manners? My name is Dorothy, Miss Amelia. Now, as an apology, please allow me to make you a sandwich," the woman offered with a big smile.

"Thanks, Dorothy, that's the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me since my arrival here," Amelia joked; though, it held a note of truth.

"Now, now, sit down and tell me how a nice looking girl like you managed to sneak into the impenetrable Hellsing mansion," Dorothy asked, laughing good-naturedly.

'Had I known what I was getting into beforehand, I would have never set foot inside these gates,' Amelia thought bitterly, walking towards the fridge for a glass of juice.

"Amelia, dear, that's not the -" Dorothy tried to stop the poor female, but it was already too late.

"What is wron-" Amelia never finished her sentence, instead took an awkward step back and, unfortunately, for the second time this day, found herself sprawled on the floor.

"Um, I probably should have warned you, dear. That's master Alucard's personal refrigerator. Usually, it's full with blood bags, but you can never know with him…I wouldn't open it so carelessly in the future," the kind woman explained, offering her hand to the still shocked Amelia.

"I-I'll keep that in my mind. Thanks, Dorothy," Amelia stuttered, trying to erase the gory images.

"Now, what did you want from the fridge, Amelia?" Dorothy asked sweetly, trying to distract the young woman from whatever horrors she had managed to get a glimpse of.

"U-um, some juice would be lovely," she replied, thanking the older woman for not pursuing the matter further.

However, the sound of the word blood bags reminded her of the current assignment she was burdened with, and decided she would not lose anything trying to pry some information from the ever-helpful maid.

"Dorothy, since you are obviously not affected by what happened, I am going to assume you have been serving the Hellsing family for quite some time now. Can I discuss a delicate matter with you?" Amelia asked tentatively, testing the waters.

"You don't have to be so formal with me, dear. Yes, I have been here for as long as that old fool of a butler, who went and broke his back on some stupid show of male stubbornness. I've told him time and again to let the more demanding jobs to the young ones, but does he ever listen? Noooo…well, I don't have to explain what happened now, do I?" she complained, obviously irritated, but Amelia could hear the clear undertone of affection in her voice. The older woman was certainly fond of the injured butler.

'Heh, that's so cute!' Amelia chuckled, hoping to at least meet the old man, who had captured Dorothy's heart before she left.

'Assuming you will be leaving walking, with your eyes open, and not lying down inside a coffin, with your eyes closed,' a little voice suddenly reminded her.

"Dorothy, do you have any idea why a vampire would refuse to drink blood? I mean, it can't be she doesn't like the taste, right? Even I find it somewhat agreeable the few times I have tasted my own, so I'm guessing for a vampire this would be multiplied by a thousand," Amelia guessed with a thoughtful expression, returning to her original question.

"Ah, you must be talking about Miss Seras. She is a sweet kid that one, unlike most of the inhabitants of this place. I never quite understood why master Alucard changed her, and Walter was equally confused when we discussed this matter," she answered, nodding her head.

Now that was something Amelia had not considered before. Really, why did Alucard change Seras. She made a mental note to investigate this later. Her curiosity was piqued and, damn her, but she could not let this one go.

"I am afraid though, I cannot help you, Miss Amelia. The girl seems almost frightened by the very idea of consuming blood. Walter has tried many times to coax her into drinking it, but it always ends the same; with Seras flushing down the toilet her intended dinner," Dorothy answered, sighing heavily.

"Here is your sandwich, dear," she put a plate in front of Amelia on the table.

"Thanks, Dorothy," Amelia accepted the plate, thinking of how to make the blonde vampire accept her breakfast as well when she awakened.

Obviously, the pep talk wouldn't help. Walter, who she now was certain was the old butler she was substituting for, must have tried the logic card repeatedly already to no avail. That left Amelia with the only other way she knew - tricks.

She didn't lake the idea of manipulating the friendly vampire and one of the few people who talked to her without a hidden agenda here, but she had no other way. This was her job, a matter of principle now.

Alright, time for plan A named: "Tempt The Newborn". It was also the perfect time to put it to action, now that Seras was sleeping in her room. She would just slip inside and leave thin trails of blood near the vampire's nose, hoping that, when she woke up, she would seek the delectable substance on her own accord. Well, it was as good as plan as any, and Amelia was determined to start immediately. Who knows, maybe by night she would have positive results to rub into the face of that arrogant bloodsucker in the basement.

'It's true that I have no experience whatsoever with vampires, but I am an expert when it comes to tricking infants! Just wait, Alucard, I am going to make you eat your words soon enough,' she thought gleefully, laughing sinisterly in her mind.

Now, time for the hard part.

"Dorothy, c-can you provide me with a blood bag?" she asked. eyeing the cooling machine with trepidation.

"Sorry, dear, this is master Alucard's personal supply. You'll have to visit the infirmary and ask the resident doctor for one. I am certain you won't mind the detour, if it saves you from opening that thing again," Dorothy replied, laughing merrily.

"I certainly won't mind. In fact, I would have been content to never have known such a thing existed in the first place," Amelia agreed readily.

"Thank you for everything, Dorothy! I'll call you at least an hour before my meals to inform you in the future," she added, hugging the older woman lovingly on an impulse.

"Not a problem, my dear. Come visit me anytime!" she responded cheerfully, patting Amelia's back gently.

"I will!" Amelia shouted at the exit, only to return and peek her head inside, asking, "Um, where exactly is the infirmary?" with reddening cheeks.

"On the floor above, the second door from the stairs to your right," Dorothy answered, laughing amused.

"T-thank you," Amelia murmured back embarrassed, making her way to where she was told.

Finding the infirmary easily enough with Dorothy's clear instructions, she learned that she was expected sooner or later either way. Apparently, Walter had the exact same duty as her before he was injured, and she was provided with what she needed without further delay and awkward explanations.

Satisfied that at least one thing went as planned, she made her way to her room to discover relieved that Seras was indeed still sleeping peacefully on her bed.

'Now what? I don't want her to figure out this is a set-up, so I'll have to be careful not to leave any trace behind. Hm, I have to smear the blood on something easily removable, but still close enough so she can smell it,' Amelia thought carefully.

'Something, that doesn't stain. God knows blood isn't an easy substance to remove. So, no clothes or towels or any of the sort. Also, a cup or a glass would be easy to knock over and create a mess, so rejected as well,' Amelia went over her choices silently.

'Eureka!' she suddenly exclaimed in her mind as she had a brilliant epiphany.

She immediately rushed to her desk and grabbed a pen, then headed to the bathroom to unload the ink within it in the toilet. She then proceeded to clean the empty vessel, and reload it with a small amount of the crimson liquid inside the blood bag. Returning to the room, she took a paper and wrote slowly with fat, big letters, letting the red ink coat the paper and dry efficiently. Satisfied with her work, she positioned the paper in the stand next to the bed, a few centimeters away from Seras's face. and exited the room to finally find the library, all the while congratulating herself for the ingenious plan. Seras would wake up surrounded by the scent of blood, with no clue from where it was coming from. The only thing she would see was an incospicuous letter near her. She was indeed a sweet and kind girl, but from what Amelia had surmised not the smartest one of the bunch.


	16. It's Not What You Think

Amelia had spent a ridiculous amount of time in the library, trying to discover as much as she could regarding the mysterious race known as vampires; however, most of the books contained information she already knew, or was too far fetched to be true.

"Wild roses and hawthorn plants are said to harm vampires," Amelia recited skeptically.

"Yeah, right…I wonder how this would work. _Hi, Alucard, aren't these roses wonderful? Here, have some_ ," as she showered the dumbstruck vampire in a rain of rose petals.

"Well, if he was lying on a bed of black silken sheets, wearing nothing but what the devil graced him with, it would be worth the bloody and painful retribution. Maybe that's what the book meant. Roses would most certainly irritate the vampire, consecutively causing the impertinent, albeit most pleased, human's demise," Amelia muttered wryly.

"Who knew so many cultures had their own personal beliefs regarding vampires? To be honest, most of them are rubbish, and somehow connected to each respective country's religion; all in all a tremendous waste of my time," Amelia mused disappointed.

"Maybe, I'm looking at this from the wrong angle. Perhaps, I should focus more on legends regarding this particular vampire in question, instead of generalities," she mused aloud as she reached for some books concerning the historical figure of Vlad the Impaler.

"Nope, nothing much here as well," Amelia sighed, feeling tired after an hour of having streamed through various books depicting the Romanian prince as a tyrant, taking sadistic pleasure in torturing and killing, waging war after war against the Ottomans.

"I already knew he could rival Marquis de Sade, but thank you for the very graphic presentation," she uttered, disgusted at one particular book which painted a very disturbing picture of the infamous prince.

"Well, at least I would ace any test regarding his human life now," Amelia laughed humorlessly, trying to picture Alucard playing twenty questions and failing miserably.

"This is fruitless. Maybe, yes, why didn't I think of this before? Maybe Seras could help me. After all, she is a vampire, that insufferable prick sired her, AND she owes me big time for yesterday," Amelia concluded with satisfaction.

"This is not cheating, most definitely not cheating…" she mumbled in repeat as she exited the library, heading towards her room in search of the petite female.

* * *

Something was not right. Something was bothering Seras with a most annoying insistence, dragging her out of a rather pleasant dream where she could still taste and savor human delicacies; such as this divine chocolate she was currently devouring.

Feeling extremely annoyed, she wrinkled her nose petulantly, and tossed around in the bed until a very pleasing aroma assaulted her sinuses.

"Choooocolaaaate!" she screamed delighted, bolting out of the bed while looking around frantically, trying to pinpoint the location of the sweet fragrance.

Sniffing the air delicately, she surmised that the smell was coming from somewhere really close to her.

"Where are you, my precious?" she murmured as she went on all fours, sniffing the various furniture.

Amelia chose that exact moment to enter the room, only to be frozen in place by the sight before her. Seras was still draped in the forest green towel, on the floor, with a longing expression on her face that reminded Amelia of a five year old salivating outside a patisserie's shop window.

"Chocolate?" Seras whined questioningly with quivering lips upon realizing Amelia was watching her dumbfounded.

"U-um, Seras? Seras, are you alright?" Amelia asked tentatively, after she came out of the trance the bizarre situation had sucked her in.

"A-Amelia?" Seras questioned with a clearly confused expression as she slowly realized her dream had ended abruptly, and she was very much awake with a shocked human, staring at her intently, and questioning her mental capability.

"I-I am sorry, I thought I was dreaming!" Seras exclaimed, bright red with embarrassment, straightening up from her previous compromising position on the floor.

"A-aha, it's alright, Seras. Just calm down and we'll talk, okay?" Amelia cajoled her with her most placating tone as if talking to an extremely distressed child.

"Yeah, sure, sit down, got it," Seras repeated, dazed as she slumped unceremoniously back on the bed.

'Perhaps she hit her head really hard at last night's mission…' Amelia wondered, trying to remember if there was such an injury when she washed the girl's hair.

Suddenly, Seras got up with a panicked expression, looking all around her scared.

"Th-this is not my room…oh, my God, why am I wearing only a towel?" Seras asked frenziedly, grabbing Amelia's shoulders and shaking her.

"C-calm down, sweetheart, and I'll explain whatever I know, okay?" Amelia replied between violent jerks.

"O-oh sure, I am sorry again, Amelia," Seras apologized, releasing her at once, mortified by her own strange behavior.

'Or maybe the blood could be the cause of her disorientation?' Amelia guessed, remembering her little ploy.

'Hm, I guess my experiment failed. I should have anticipated it would blow up in my face like this. I must find a way to make her drink while she's awake,' Amelia surmised, reevaluating her methods while she situated herself and a highly distressed Seras back on the bed.

"Seras, do you remember last night's mission at all?" she asked the blonde girl with a sympathetic face.

Seras stayed quiet for a few moments, until an expression of extreme displeasure appeared on her previously confused face.

"Um, yeah, we went to an awful place, the likes of which no self respectable woman would ever set foot in, or even know about. Master and Mr. Bernadotte got into a heated discussion regarding vibrators then we raided the vampire's lair. I went in first and Mr. Bernadotte covered me as back up. I remember there were ghouls and I sensed two baby vamps, but not much after that…What happened?" Seras asked, furrowing her brows, trying to untangle her blurred memories.

"Well, I don't know much about your mission, but Alucard showed up in the middle of the night carrying you and ordered me to take care of you. You were covered in blood, but I don't think any of it was yours. I cleaned you up and put you to bed. That's why you're only wearing a towel," Amelia explained, trying really hard not to picture two men discussing vibrators. Mostly because she couldn't decide if it was making her hot or disturbed.

'Well, even though. both of them are infuriating beyond measure, somehow imagining two, ehem, gorgeous males and a vibrator is not such a bad picture. No, nonono, bad, bad picture, bad, bad Amelia,' she scolded herself mentally.

Seras, quite oblivious of the other woman's thoughts, was cradling her head between her hands as images of herself tearing into lifeless bodies assaulted her unexpectedly.

"Oh my God, what have I done? Mr. Bernadotte! Mr. Bernadotte?" she started shouting as she made a sudden run for the door before Amelia could even spell _vibrator_.

"S-Seras, wait!" Amelia exclaimed as she, too, run behind the blonde girl to no avail. Seras was nowhere in sight when she reached the corridor.

"Damn vampiric speed!" Amelia hissed angrily, cursing the small vampire and the bastard who sired her for dumping Seras on her.

* * *

Seras was truly scared for once. She did not remember anything apart from blood, and body parts, and more blood. She really hoped none of that belonged to that lecherous, annoying Frenchman with his stupid, stupid nicknames.

"Please be alive…" she prayed, as she did the one thing she had thought would never do under any circumstances; barged into the Frenchman's room with nothing but a towel on.

"Mr. Bernadotte!" she screamed frantically, searching the room for said male.

"What the hell?" Pip replied, rushing from the bathroom with only a deep burgundy towel on, dripping wet, only to freeze immediately at the sight of Seras in the same attire, panting heavily and staring at him with a relieved expression.

"M-mignonette?" he sputtered, awestruck as Seras rushed forward and started running her hands all over him, checking for any injuries, all the while thanking the gods for seeing him alive and in one piece.

"Mignonette, although, I am not about to complain, perhaps we should close the door before we continue?" he asked the petite female, deciding to go with the flow, and enjoying the feel of her hands touching him intimately for the first time without the intent of injure.

"W-what?" Seras squealed nervously as the complications of what she was doing started to dawn on her. Before she had the chance to chastise him or explain why his train of thought was wrong on so many levels. a loud yelp was heard from the door.

"S-sorry…I-I'll leave, I d-didn't know," Amelia stuttered completely flushed, closing the door quickly.

"That's why I said we should close the door," Pip laughed, winking down at Seras, and hugging her affectionately.

"Agh, this did not just happen! Amelia, wait! I can explain!" the blonde girl shouted, extricating herself from Pip's arms as she darted out of the room in search of the human woman.

"Mignonette, where are you going? Are we not going to do this?" Pip shouted at her, as he followed after Seras as well.

* * *

Integra was trying to think of a way to placate her accountants - after a rather impressive bill for destruction of public property was delivered to them - when a knock interrupted her concentration.

"Enter," she answered mechanically.

"Sir, I am deeply sorry to disturb you, but it appears a situation has occurred that I am not sure of how to handle," one of the surveillance guards walked in and informed Integra.

'God, I miss Walter. He would not have disturbed me for such a small and insignificant thing,' Integra thought, sighing slightly.

"What is it?" she asked rather sharply the guard, annoyed at his incompetence, and missing her loyal butler terribly.

"Well, Sir, you see.." the guard mumbled.

"Spit it out, young man, I don't have all day!" Integra chastised him.

"Yes, Sir! Miss Amelia Rogers is being hunted by Miss Seras Victoria, who is in turn being hunted by Mr. Pip Bernadotte in the hallways. The latter two are dressed only in towels, Sir!" the guard reported in one breath.

"What!?" Integra barked, feeling her previous headache returning viciously.

"Miss Amelia Rogers is being hunt-" the guard started again.

"I heard that, you imbecile! I am asking you why this screwed up ridiculousness is happening!" Integra asked him angrily.

"I-I have no idea, Sir. I am just reporting what I saw on the monitor, Sir," the guard replied with trepidation.

"Fine, you are excused. Return to your post, I will deal with this little…problem," Integra bit out, dismissing him completely.

'Alucard, get your lazy ass in here right now!' she commanded, as she reached for her secret stash of alcohol.

"Walter, I am afraid that if you do not come back soon, I will be joining the AA…"


	17. No Touchy!

Integra was pouring herself a second glass of brandy when she felt the unmistakably chilling presence of a vampire. Raising her head, she found herself looking straight into a pair of scarlet orbs, glowing with mirth and obvious amusement.

"Servant, if you dare make even _one_ sarcastic comment concerning my increasing addiction to alcohol, I'll consider wasting this fine liquid by pouring it all over you and setting you ablaze," she warned towards him, narrowing her eyes threateningly.

"Why so spiteful this fine evening, master? Did you run out of cigars? Or perhaps it's that time of the month?" Alucard mocked her with the ghost of a smirk on the corners of his lips.

"Don't play smart with me, Alucard! I forbid you of commenting on one addiction and you think it wise to crack a joke about another. One would think after all these centuries you would have developed a sense of self preservation; and you know fully well it's _not_ that time of the month! You make it painfully obvious to all the inhabitants of this mansion when it actually is! Another bad habit of yours you will cease at once, unless you wish to feel the full weight of my wrath in a few days time," she informed him menacingly, her voice dripping with poison.

"I will try my utmost best, master," he replied with a tone that blatantly suggested he wouldn't.

"Enough! I am far too tired to play your little sly games right now, Alucard. I have a horde of accountants out for my blood, which - I might add - was _your_ fault to begin with, and a couple of mentally challenged individuals playing chase in the corridors. Unfortunately, you cannot help me with the former predicament; you have done quite enough already on that account. You can, however, help fix the absurd situation that is currently occurring inside the mansion," she barked, staring at him intently as she reached for the last of her precious cigars.

"What situation would that be, master? I assure you, I was not in the slightest responsible for whatever happened nor have I any indication as to what you are so obviously upset about," Alucard answered with a curious tint in his voice. Apparently, there were some things that not even the great Alucard was aware of…

"Obviously, servant! You would not be here increasing my ire if you had. You would probably be somewhere else adding to the ludicrousness that's happening. Moreover, if I had even the slightest suspicion of your involvement in this travesty, you would have been thoroughly reprimanded by now," Integra bit out harshly.

"Well, I'm glad we have this cleared out. Now, if you would be so kind as to actually explain the cause of your sour mood?" he asked her mockingly.

"I will let this one pass, Alucard. Do not aggravate me more, though! Our newest recruit, Miss Rogers, has apparently found herself in a rather precarious situation. I do not know the reason nor do I wish to discover it for fear of my already deteriorating mental health, but she is being chased around by your fledgling and the captain of the Wild Geese. Furthermore, they appear to be dressed only in towels," Integra finished with a heavy sigh.

"I am sorry, master. Did you just say that three naked humans, well one of them is an ex human typically, are being kinky in the corridors?" Alucard questioned her surprised, his amusement returning with force.

"Yes, although, to be exact, one of them is fully clothed. However, I am not certain how long that will continue to be so. Find them before that happens and straighten out this mess!" Integra ordered him, lighting her cigar and exhaling slowly, willing her massive headache to go away without much hope of succeeding.

"Oh, and Alucard, keep _your_ clothes _on_ no matter what!" she added as she saw the speculating glint in his eyes.

"Such fickle beings you humans are…Wasn't it just yesterday that you ordered me to do the complete opposite?" his husky voice echoed throughout her study room, along with his usual taunting laugh, as he disappeared much the same way he had come.

"Y-you blood sucking earth worm!" Integra bellowed, crushing inadvertently her half smoked cigar between her fingers.

"Oh, bloody hell! That _was_ my last one!" she cried out pained, finally reaching her limits and smacking her forehead on the desk resigned.

* * *

Amelia had run away immediately, feeling mortified for having interrupted such an intimate personal moment between the female vampire and the French captain. Although, in her defense, she had no freaking idea they were involved in this kind of relationship. Quite the contrary, she was under the impression that Seras was, if not repulsed, then quite offended by the male's unwanted advances.

"Heh, Seras and Mr. Bernadotte…Who would have thought? Well, not like it's any of my business though," she mused aloud, finally calming down enough to stop running.

Just as she was about to take a curious look around and try to make sense of her surroundings, she stumbled into something hard and solid, and would have made a third dive for the floor today, if a strong hand hadn't intercepted her fall by circling around her waste securely.

Grateful for not having to deal with another painful encounter with the cold, hard floor, she raised her head in order to thank her rescuer, only to be stunned in silence as she gazed into the intense eyes of the one person she most dreaded to meet tonight.

"A-Alucard…" she breathed stuttering, realizing his face was awfully close to her own and her body in closer than comfortable contact with his, as he had not released her yet.

"Yes, Amelia, that is my name. I am very pleased that you remember it. Most people usually tend to push out of their minds incidents that are too traumatic for them to handle," he leaned in to whisper seductively, his breath teasing the outer shell of her ear.

'Ooookaaaay … I'm liking this a little too much! Wake up, Amelia, thank him properly and act normally, not like a lust struck teenager experimenting with Special K! And most importantly, move _away_ from him! No touchy, no touchy!' Amelia mentally berated herself.

Hearing her little amusing tirade, Alucard grinned predatorily and, before the poor woman had a chance to put her plan into motion, pinned her to the nearest wall quite forcibly.

Amelia, having the breath knocked out of her quite literally by the sudden movement, yelped surprised as she found herself pressed against his well defined chest.

"W-what are y-you doing?" she squealed alarmed, her heart beating alarmingly fast.

"Why, of course, participating in this delightful game you are playing with the Police Girl and the French barbarian. You surprise me, little human. I would not have expected you to be so…promiscuous. I assume that whoever manages to catch you is free to do whatever he wants with you?" he asked her tauntingly, watching with mirth her face turn a very interesting shade of red at his provocative words.

"I-I have no idea what you're talking about, Alucard! Now, _please_ let me go!" Amelia pleaded, before she succumbed to her inner persona – Nurse Spankalot – and jumped his bones at the spot.

"Ahhh, that's truly a shame, my dear Amelia. I was fairly excited to meet your inner persona. So, you are not aware that these two are frantically searching for you, wearing nothing but mere towels…" Alucard clicked his tongue her with a pang of disappointment.

"I…they…what?" Amelia blurted confused.

"I see. Well then, I suppose we should find them and verify the reason behind their uncharacteristic behavior. Although, now that I think of it, it's not too surprising that the Frenchman would act in such a way," he remarked, as he finally took a step back, allowing Amelia to exhale relieved.

'Oh, thank the lords, a few more seconds and then the one behaving totally uncharacteristically would most definitely be me…' Amelia thought, relieved as she stood straight, trying to save what was left of her dignity with not much success. If things continued like this, her face would remain permanently flushed from embarrassment, shame, and unfulfilled desire.

"Shall we?" Alucard offered his arm to Amelia, smirking knowingly at her erratic thoughts.

"Umm, sure, but I can manage on my own, thank you," she replied, eyeing the offered appendage suspiciously.

'No touchy, no touchy…'

"As you wish," he replied in his deep baritone voice with a Cheshire grin.

* * *

"Damn, for a human, she sure runs fast!" Seras exclaimed, jogging in a sedate pace, clutching the towel closed with a death grip, and keeping her eyes open for any sight of the human woman.

She had learned the hard way that it's not wise to run at full speed, when you're a vampire clad in only a towel. Just right after storming out of Pip's room, her towel decided it could not keep up with her supernatural speed and, much to her complete shock and mortification, abandoned her in search of the obnoxious Frenchman's face. Luckily, the perverted pig had only a glimpse of her naked flesh, before her green towel hit his face squarely and tried to suffocate him. That gave Seras the time she needed to retrieve the damned fluffy thing, cover herself as fast as she could, and begin anew her search for Amelia, unfortunately with the French idiot still hot in her heels, shouting loud obscenities and vile suggestions.

She was so lost in her thoughts regarding the lecherous male that she came in an abrupt stop, when she collided with something hard and unyielding.

"Agh, what the hell?" she squealed, rubbing her abused nose, only to receive a familiar amused masculine laughter as an answer.

"M-master?" she uttered, not daring to raise her eyes upwards, in order to confirm her guess.

"Draculina, I see you have recovered from last night's disastrous events," Alucard's unmistakable, deep rumbling voice stated.

Mastering enough courage to face her master's peculiar mood, she slowly raised her head, smiling nervously.

"Ahaha, yes, master, I-I'm quite well," she muttered, feeling intimidated by his booming presence. Then her eyes traveled behind him and caught sight of a fidgeting Amelia.

"Amelia? Oh my God, I've finally found you! Listen, what you saw was just a huuuuuge misunderstanding! There is nothing, _nothing_ going on between Mr. Bernadotte and I. I was just so relieved to find him alive and well, that I…overreacted a bit," she finished, pleading with her eyes for the other woman to believe the truth of her words.

"Hmm, what a dull incident this has been revealed to be. I was hoping for something a little more…juicy," Alucard drawled, feeling bored.

"Police Girl, in the future be more mindful of your state of dress, or undress for that matter, whilst playing Forest Gump in the corridors. Although, I am certain the surveillance guards more than enjoyed your little show. Amelia, I expect you in an hour for our scheduled appointment. I _am_ looking forward to it," he finished with a sinister laugh and phased through the nearest wall, leaving the flabbergasted females to ponder on their thoughts.

"Um, Amelia, excuse me, but I have something important to do right now. We'll talk later and I'll explain in more details, okay?" Seras said, quickly, heading for the control center, intent on destroying any evidence of her recent humiliation.

"S-sure," Amelia stammered, still quite shaken with the whole incident then turned, intent on finding the kitchen to have a hot cup of soothing jasmine tea, only to come in contact with another nicely built chest; this time naked and wet.

"Aaaaaagh, not again!" she screamed and, forgetting all rules of propriety, ran like hell in the opposite direction, shouting incomprehensible things.


	18. I'm Gonna Make You a Star!

Dorothy had just finished baking some chocolate flavored cookies when Amelia burst into the kitchen, panting heavily, and cussing like a trucker about stupid, ridiculously sexy males.

"Oh, dear, what happened? Here, have a seat," Dorothy asked full of concern as she ushered Amelia in and pulled a chair for her.

"Th-thanks, Dorothy. I r-really n-need to sit d-down," Amelia managed to pant between gasps, collapsing into the chair unceremoniously.

"C-can I have some water please?" she pleaded with the older woman.

"But, of course, dear. Here, take a deep breath and calm down," she nodded, filling a glass of water which Amelia grabbed and gulped down in one go.

"Ahhh, that's better. Thank you, Dorothy," Amelia exhaled a long breath after somewhat regaining her composure.

"You're welcome, dear. Now, would you like some cookies, fresh from the oven? And, then, perhaps you can tell me what happened to make you so upset?" she offered kindly.

"That would be lovely, Dorothy. If I could have some jasmine tea as well, you will have my eternal love and gratitude," Amelia beamed with adoration.

"Oh, shush, Amelia. Offering you some cookies and tea isn't such a great service," Dorothy replied, her cheeks reddening slightly.

"You would think so. But, let me tell you, after everything I've been through since yesterday, this sounds godsend right now," Amelia laughed, finding Dorothy's reaction too cute for words.

"So, mind if I asked why you're running through the corridors like a rabbit during hunting season?" Dorothy asked with mirth.

"Yeah, well, that's not too far from the truth. Except replace the hunters with Alucard, Seras, and Mr. Bernadotte," the young woman confessed wryly.

"Oh, dear, what have these three done now?" Dorothy asked with an expression that revealed she wasn't surprised by it.

"Well, in Seras' defense, it was all a huge misunderstanding. The other two have no excuse whatsoever," she admitted grudgingly.

"Chasing a young woman, pinning her to a wall, enticing her with sexual innuendo and, to top it all of, being half naked while doing so!" Amelia bellowed, visibly shaking.

"Oh my!" Dorothy exclaimed, her hands covering her inflamed cheeks.

"Ahh, to be young again," she then giggled adorably.

"Um, Dorothy, I think you misunderstood as well. I did not enjoy being chased – oh alright, maybe I did enjoy it _just_ a little bit, but that doesn't give them the right to toy with me like that," she conceded, pouting like a nine year old.

"Relax, my dear, I've been here long enough to know they're just teasing you. You know, the more you show how much it bothers you, the more they'll continue to behave like that. Just yesterday, Alucard came here to get something from his accursed fridge and said to me – and I quote: _Take it easy with the old man when he returns, no wild stuff for a while, we don't want him throwing out his back again._ Then he just winked at me and off he went," Dorothy recited, frowning a bit at the memory.

"S-seriously?" Amelia sputtered, chocking on her tea.

"Yes, he has a rather _unique_ sense of humor; and he's not afraid to show it," Dorothy replied, laughing good-naturedly.

"Can't argue with that. He _is_ unique alright," Amelia agreed with a snort.

* * *

Integra was seriously contemplating on having an heir just to push all of her responsibilities upon him or her, when the constant source of her problems and recurring headache appeared into her office.

"What is it now, vampire? Is the building on fire, are we under attack, did you finally decide to change your evil ways and join the girl scouts?" she asked him dryly.

"I'm afraid not, master. I simply came to report what the true nature of the previous disturbance was. If you want some cookies, you'll have to call the kitchen staff," he replied sarcastically with a bored expression.

"Well? Cut to the chase, servant!" Integra ordered him, not in the mood for his snide remarks.

"It appears that Amelia was under the false impression she had caught the Police Girl and the French idiot flagrante delicto. Draculina was chasing her through the corridors, trying to rectify this misconception, while the Frenchman was being his usual lecherous self, chasing anything with a pair of nicely shaped legs," he explained with a ghost of a smile adoring his chiseled features.

"I see… and?" Integra prompted him, equally annoyed and bored.

"That's about it, master. I solved the misunderstanding between them as you commanded. Is there something else?" the vampire answered, confused.

"Yes, servant, there is. Although, I am glad that for once you followed my orders as close to the letter as possible, your report doesn't explain why that French scum is _still_ running through the corridors, practically naked!" she exclaimed angrily.

"Ahh, yes, the French vermin. Well, if you want to be completely accurate, master, you commanded me to find out what the commotion was and solve it, which I did quite perfectly, if I might add. You never gave any additional commands about subduing that exhibitionist," he clarified, grinning like the madman he was.

"Are you mentally impaired, servant? I was under the impression that your disabilities were limited to debauchery and licentiousness, not lack of logical thought process. Of course, subjugating the vile creep was included in my orders. Can't you read minds?" she mocked him with a sneer.

"My deepest apologies, master, but the last time I infiltrated your private thoughts, you were not so pleased," Alucard replied wryly with a half bow.

"That was because you invaded my dreams and made me the lead actress of _Deep Throat_ which, I am warning you now, will never ever do **again**!" the blonde woman bellowed, enraged at the mere memory of it, throwing the now empty bottle of brandy at him.

Unfortunately, this time it just passed right through him, making Integra twitch uncontrollably.

"Ahhh, yes, I remember very well. I don't understand why you are so upset, master. You seemed to be enjoying yourself quite a bit. Would you have preferred another movie perhaps?" he asked with a taunting grin.

"Get out, get out, and don't appear before me again until the Last Judgement day!" Integra exploded, hurling everything in front of her at him.

His contemptuous laughter rang in her head for a long time after he was gone.

* * *

Amelia assumed her no-nonsense face and made her way to the basement, trying not to be intimidated by the dark, gothic décor.

'This feels like I'm descending to Hell,' she mused, shivering unwittingly.

Pausing momentarily outside the huge, intricate Gates of Hell, she contemplated on knocking or simply entering, when the doors were pushed open by an invisible force.

"Amelia, from here onwards and for as long as you'll remain here, you will always be granted entrance in my private chambers. Welcome…" the Devil invited her in with a seductive, husky voice.

'That's exactly what I'm afraid of…' she thought with an internal sigh.

The spacious chamber was just as she remembered from last night, a few candles breaking through the darkness, amplifying the eerie atmosphere.

"Alright, enough with the theatrics, Alucard. I get it, you're the big bad vampire and I'm the naive young airhead who carelessly entered your lair. I seriously hope you're not wearing a cape…" Amelia bit out sarcastically, her irritated voice echoing throughout the room.

"I was merely trying to, how do humans call it now, ah yes, give you a show, since you learned of our existence just the night before. I thought you'd appreciate a well played classic scene," Alucard replied with apparent mirth.

"Yeah, thanks Bela Lugosi, but it's not necessary. Can we skip the overused shenanigans and get to the point? I don't have all night you know," she answered with her most withering glare.

"You have the embodiment of vampire lore right in front of you and you compare _me_ to a big screen icon counterfeit? I guess I should be glad you used a distinguished actor and not that sparkling delusional fool," the vampire uttered with disgust.

"Oh, you mean Rober-"

"I forbid you from ever saying that name in my presence if you wish to retain your ability to breathe," he warned her menacingly.

'Ouch, that must be a sore spot for him,' Amelia thought, amused.

"I had every intention of removing that stain from the long glorious history of our race; however, unfortunately, my master forbade me from ever doing so. Of course, then I made the grave mistake of further sullying our reputation by creating the Police Girl, so I am not really one to talk. Still, she's not sparkling, even though she cannot yet tolerate the sun. Can you believe how low we've fallen? What's to come next? Blood sucking fireflies?" he finished, shaking his head disapprovingly.

Amelia tried really hard not to burst out laughing at his ceaseless rant, but that last comment just finished her off. It appeared that even the Devil had no control over human imagination…


	19. Deal With the Devil

 

 

Amelia was just coming down from her unexpected laughing fit when the elegant vampire casually grabbed a wine glass from the table, and gave her a meaningful look.

"W-what is it?" she stammered, eyeing the glass suspiciously, all traces of laughter gone from her voice.

"It's Bohemian crystal, one of Walter's most excellent works if I do say so myself," Alucard replied with mirth, looking at the glass with adoration.

"I didn't ask what it was made of, I meant what you were planning to use it for," Amelia clarified as annoyance broke through her unease.

"Why, what else, my dear Amelia? Drink from it of course," he shot back teasingly, refusing to give her a clear answer on purpose.

"Normally, I wouldn't even consider asking you, but since I have a very bad feeling about this, would you mind elaborating on what exactly are you going to pour in it?" Amelia asked, not liking his cryptic words one bit.

For a moment, he dragged his crimson gaze appreciatively up and down her body, his heavy stare lingering a little more on her thighs and neck, making Amelia squirm nervously.

"Relax, little one, I only take what is given freely; orders, you see," he sighed, opening a glass bottle filled with scarlet liquid and pouring himself a drink.

Amelia exhaled as well; although, hers was a relieved sigh instead of his dejected one.

"However, if you change your mind, don't hesitate to say so. I am always inclined to assuage your curiosity regarding a vampire's kiss," Alucard volunteered silkily in a deep, husky voice.

"A k-kiss!?" Amelia mumbled, taking a step back.

"Mmm, a vampire's kiss. Weren't you aware of the term used for a vampire's bite, oh great vampire expert?" he mocked her with a devilish grin. "Or perhaps you were, but you were hoping for something more hedonic?" he added slyly.

"I-I was just taken a bit aback! Of course, I knew that!" she exclaimed, remembering vaguely she had indeed read that somewhere.

"Well, to allay your fears, my dear Amelia, rest assured that I can make it feel very pleasurable as well, if I so will it," the vampire offered with a lascivious grin that could melt even the ice block that sank the Titanic.

'I have no doubt you most certainly can,' Amelia agreed inwardly, almost drooling at the naughty imagery of Alucard's cerise orbs boring in hers sensually as his tongue worked magic, nipping the inside of her thigh.

'Interesting choice, Amelia. Most would have imagined the neck, but I have to applaud you for being so daring and offering such soft flesh for my delight,' his voice interlaced with her picture and suddenly she was yanked back to reality.

"Y-your voice, I-I heard it in m-my head…" she stuttered dumbly, bright red with embarrassment.

"Ah, yes, this is the first time I have spoken to you in such a way, is it not? Surely you must have surmised that I could? Why so surprised by that simple display?" he inquired with a predatory glint in his eyes.

"I knew you could hear thoughts, and I also speculated you could project them if you wished, but knowing something and experiencing it first hand are two very different things," Amelia breathed heavily.

"Well, you had better get used to it soon then, because you will be experiencing it much more often from now on... whenever I wish it," he supplied with a cat-ate-the-canary grin.

"Can we change the subject, please?" she begged, swallowing her pride in favor of keeping her sanity. She really couldn't handle more sexual innuendo coming from such an enticing, yet strictly out of reach, male.

'You are way out of your league here, Amelia. Back off, back off, before you do something you'll regret terribly, like jumping his bones and offering to be his blood slave forever in exchange,' she mentally berated herself.

"I will grant this one request, if you accept to reconsider your own suggestion," the tall male responded, licking his lips hungrily.

"Of course you heard that! Fine, I accept!" she hissed with vehemence, optioning to reserve additional thoughts for later when she would be alone.

"Very well. Now, what subject did you wish to discuss? May I suggest the correct way of turning someone? I would even be so kind as to reenact how it's done with you," he suggested eagerly.

"No, thank you, I'm pretty sure I don't meet the necessary requirements, even if I wanted to," she replied wryly.

"Touché…" he grinned knowingly and cocked his head in acknowledgement.

"Regarding Seras' matter…" she started, but paused trying to think of a hundred and one ways to admit that she had failed in her first attempt without making it sound like that.

"Ah, yes, the ever constant problem of Draculina's refusal to consume blood. I am guessing your plan did not have the desired results either? Although, I must commend you for the ingenuity of it," Alucard commented with a bored expression that belied his compliment.

"No, but that is not entirely my fault! I don't know what happened during last night's mission, but obviously something went wrong. Seras was too distracted to pay any attention to anything else," she argued sullenly, miffed he already knew the details and outcome of her well thought out plan.

"Heh, whose fault do you think it is then, my dear Amelia? I thought you were the kind to take responsibility for her failures, not try and blame them elsewhere," he taunted her, laughing with that condescending tone of his.

"I'm not exactly sure, Alucard, but if I had to guess…" she replied, pinning him with a hard stare.

"I assure you, I had absolutely nothing to do with it. For you to even think that… oh, how you wound me, my dear Amelia," he insisted theatrically while feigning surprise.

"Hardly, if I wanted to hurt you, I would use a silver bullet instead of a veiled accusation," Amelia shot back dryly, trying to stifle a laugh at his ridiculous performance.

"Ahh, a woman after my heart!" he exclaimed, holding his hand over his non beating heart and bowing mockingly.

"No, your head would do just fine as well," she bit back sarcastically.

"Indeed, many have tried…" he mused aloud with a nostalgic smile.

"Alucard, sorry to interrupt your trip down memory lane, but can we get back to Seras?" she asked, tapping her foot on the floor, angry at his antics.

"I would rather not, but if you insist," the dark haired man replied wryly.

"I do. Can you tell me what exactly would happen to her if she continued to deny her body nourishment?" she asked seriously.

"The same that would happen to a starved human, I guess, with a few exceptions. Her body would start to shut down and she would end up resembling a shriveled skeleton. She would not die, but she would succumb to a deep sleep, which really isn't much different from dying. The difference is, however, that before that happened she would be reduced to a feral state, seeking blood in whichever way she could. Now, knowing our beloved Hellsing director, what do you think would happen if that situation occurred?" he asked with mirth.

"She would order her immediate extermination," Amelia whispered, finally grasping how dire the situation was for the bubbly blonde vampire.

"Exactly. Well, done, Amelia," Alucard commended her deduction skills, clapping slowly.

"Don't patronize me, Alucard. This is serious!" she stared at him with her most withering glare.

"I never said it wasn't, my dear Amelia. That's why I made you responsible for the police girl. Our usual methods were too straight-laced to succeed. Integra commanded, I threatened, Walter pleaded – nothing had the desirable result. Perhaps a more subtle approach will be more successful," he suggested speculatively.

"You mean a more cunning, devious, cheating plan will work, right?" she replied, interpreting his use of the word _subtle_ as such.

"One can only hope so, but don't feel too bad if it doesn't. Not much of a loss there…" Alucard shrugged as if the thought of loosing his fledgling didn't affect him in the least.

"Alucard! I can't believe you just said that! Surely you created her for a reason!" Amelia yelled at his disinterested tone.

"Ah, yes, why did I ever make that unfortunate decision… I do wonder that myself sometimes," he mused aloud with a perplexed face.

"Don't play the I-couldn't-care-less card with me, Alucard. I can clearly tell from the short time I've known you that you are a creature who never does something unless you find it amusing or exhilarating. In some twisted way, your demented mind must have thought that turning Seras was worth it," she informed him with a superior tone.

"Oh, you assume too much, my dear Amelia. If you claim to know me so well then how about we play a little game?" the vampire asked with an evil glint in his eyes.

'Uh-oh…great work, genius! Why don't you also tell him you need a few new piercings and ask him if you could use his fangs to make them? Distract him, yes, for the time being I just need to distract him,' Amelia thought, panicking at his excited tone.

"I'll cut you a deal, Alucard. _If_ you help me find a solution to Seras' problem, then tomorrow night we'll play a game," she offered cryptically, not specifying which game it would be.

"Very clever, little one. However, it will be a game of my choosing," he replied with a Cheshire grin, easily seeing through her scheme.

"On one condition; I will leave in the same physical and mental condition I arrive – take it or leave it," she offered, narrowing her eyes.

"You will leave physically intact and sane," he agreed, tweaking the conditions a bit.

"Deal!" the poor woman complied reluctantly, knowing it was the best he could offer.

"You just made a deal with the devil, little human. Congratulations," Alucard laughed madly as his eyes flashed with a dangerous shine.

'Lucky me!' she cheered with sarcasm mutely, too late to refuse and run for the hills.


End file.
